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ChristianSpeaks
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 396
Iowa, USA

0 posted 2006-05-26 06:48 PM

Started this set a while ago. Thought it might be a nice first post.

CS

Travis

Travis is a friend that I keep
At a distance to protect myself
From the albatross around his neck
An albatross that shows herself in the form of a wife.
This bird is a strange one
Demanding the status of royalty,
Intellectual,
Dictator all at once
And without exception I see Travis
Strive, fail, and fail again
To give this vulture what she wants
Thinking that her crooked smile will lend itself
To what is not owed her
When it is, in fact, a friend that she owes me.

YeshuJah
Member

since 2002-08-20

Posts 65
FL USA

1 posted 2006-05-26 08:55 PM

Poor Travis...

I cannot say that this ressonates with me as 'poetry' in any of the varied forms I'm accustomed to seeing [which is not saying much]. The verses reads like something you just wanted to say; I come away with no sense of anything other than your point of view about Travis and his wife - and a very limited one at that given the usual complexities of humans - particularly in a husband/wife scenario. How does all this affect you is probably the key to this - that view is bound to ressonate as truer [not sure I could use that there] because it will be you telling us about you.. make any sense?

YeshuJah*)

ChristianSpeaks
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 396
Iowa, USA

2 posted 2006-05-27 12:56 PM

Webster defines poetry as such:
1 a : metrical writing : VERSE b : the productions of a poet : POEMS
2 : writing that formulates a concentrated imaginative awareness of experience in language chosen and arranged to create a specific emotional response through meaning, sound, and rhythm
3 a : something likened to poetry especially in beauty of expression b : poetic quality or aspect

So with your first point I have to take some sort of arguement. I think that the backbone of good poetry is one that the reader can identify a part or the whole of the words as like minded. I wonder if you cannot at least search your history, personal or otherwise, for something that is similiar.

An artist's job is not to commentate the truth.
An artist's job is to create it.
-Dane Barner

YeshuJah
Member

since 2002-08-20

Posts 65
FL USA

3 posted 2006-05-30 04:04 PM

Christian I agree with your argument about my first statement - poetry, Webster notwithstanding, is one of those 'you'll know it when you see it' type of things [at least that's how I feel] - and in this case I did not 'recognize' what I usually consider poetic. Can I go back in my experiences as you ask to look for something that may relate? Probably; will I? Maybe.

Thank you.

Skippyrick
Member

since 2006-05-16

Posts 150
Rohnert Park

4 posted 2006-06-04 06:16 PM

Hi:

Somehow I missed this. I like it vary much. It's what you don't say that is in itself poetic. Trivis could be a great part of your life if there was some way to forgive or befriend his wife.

thanks
rick

Dreamink
Junior Member

since 2006-06-05

Posts 15
Green Mountain State of Mind

5 posted 2006-06-05 05:51 PM

I enjoyed your poem's honesty- the voice is authentic to the subject and full of barely supressed anger and frustration. There is a hint of jealousy and longing- suggesting the possibility thet perhaps Travis might be more than just a friend. The reference to the albatross is a good choice. Nice work on this!

ChristianSpeaks
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 396
Iowa, USA

6 posted 2006-06-10 02:21 PM

I think that it's funny how people respone to words.....thanks for all of your thoughts.

CS

An artist's job is not to commentate the truth.
An artist's job is to create it.
-Dane Barner

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