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Critical Analysis #2

Defeating the purpose

Fabiani
Member

since 2006-05-12

Posts 123
Mesa, Az

0 posted 2006-05-13 12:14 PM

Both hand rest on my legs folding in a way that makes a monkey into a martyr for the worlds sins unforgivable trends that lap the sides of temples the constant dribble its simply put but hardly understood the meaning of what we should and what we will, feeling the still water over ur face its like breathing threw a straw and living in a moldy space but living none-the-less giving into what is set but never questioning what was the best. So u fester and blister on ur hands from the constant brushing off of the plan to do something with ur life. draw on ur inner self and extract that part that makes u melt in their palm give them ur humanity and withstand that barrage of conformity what ever u do… don’t conform with the conformists!! conform with Me… isn’t defeating the purpose purposely place your mind at ease, doesn’t giving u whole your soul your body your speech to one thing make u less eager to be who u really are selling ur babble to your clone for sake of separating urself from urself giving ne one a glimpse of reality gives them a chance to hack away at your frailty your bitter personality? Your timid Individuality

Blossom
New Member

since 2006-05-12

Posts 8
Georgia, USA

1 posted 2006-05-13 01:26 AM

Shades of Gertrude Stein!

SaNtO
New Member

since 2006-04-26

Posts 3
U.S

2 posted 2006-05-13 03:49 PM

this poem is good man u are good with words
the structure on the other hand needs to be looked over imo

santo-

Fabiani
Member

since 2006-05-12

Posts 123
Mesa, Az

3 posted 2006-05-13 09:04 PM

thanks ill work on that in my new poems ^_^~

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

4 posted 2006-05-14 10:20 AM

The structure certainly needs help but if you really want to write poetry you'll have to give up those stupid IM abbreviations. It doesn't take that much more effort to type you instead of u or any instead of ne and it looks so much better.

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