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Critical Analysis #2

A moment in my mind

playing.with.crayons
Member

since 2006-01-02

Posts 362
Neverland

0 posted 2006-02-01 04:22 AM

Fingerprints
left their mark
sitting daintly upon
my china goblet.

A spoken word
a silent gesture
traced through vibrations

Oh, your majesty

So regal
do you mean to be imposing
or does it come naturally
to you?

each step
is done with such
flowered elegance
that birds to not flee
and instead come to rest
in your arms
And everyone just knows
it's not practised.

Oh Buttercup love,
who do you choose to
grace
with your gaze?

Surely not
yours truly
No, no. No

Eyes slide over
this
shadow
against the wall
Like they would
a plain old china doll
Not graced with skilled hands
nor tender loving care

Grubby fingerprints
left their mark
along with tattered
rags.

And thanks, along with apoligies
left forgotten
at
the door.

playing.with.crayons
Member

since 2006-01-02

Posts 362
Neverland

1 posted 2006-02-07 09:18 PM

I posted this in Open but I wanted some advice if there's anything that doesn't make sense or whatnot

farewell the ash-tray girl

MUSEconnieSEconnie
Member

since 2006-02-28

Posts 74
california

2 posted 2006-03-02 09:16 PM

I LOVE THIS PIECE!

MsSouthernOrchid
Member

since 2003-07-12

Posts 192

3 posted 2006-03-03 12:21 PM

I like this one.

Spot
Junior Member

since 2006-03-04

Posts 45
CA, US

4 posted 2006-03-05 01:02 AM

I liked it

this line

quote:
And thanks, along with apoligies
left forgotten
at
the door.

was especially good, really brought the poem together. Thanks for writing!

Free_Spirit07
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 222
The middle of my mind!

5 posted 2006-03-05 01:28 AM

Yeah this is awesome as...i have never seen a poem wrote like this it amazing

x0x0
Free_Spirit07
~%#*So far from perfect!*#%~
~%#*So far from life and living!*#%~

playing.with.crayons
Member

since 2006-01-02

Posts 362
Neverland

6 posted 2006-03-05 06:27 AM

Thank you all so much.
its a strange one. *grinning*
Night.

farewell the ash-tray girl

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