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Critical Analysis #2
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Sifting through gray matter
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Sifting through gray matter |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC 
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My representing epicenter - A splinter existence A cerebral thorn, forever worn atop brow as a crown Pinning me down, my heart is held hostage Repetition addiction - chronic cognition affliction Relive and rethink all responses regardless of reason Seasoned vet, betting on ambivalence Bittersweet symphony of regurgitated memory Brash synoptic flashes in thought caches rot and fall to ash Wading through trash, 'till death brings peace of mind "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
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| © Copyright 2006 Jon - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
The main problem I see here is that the whole thing is effectively just one elaborate adjective. So far, there is no activity and not even any real subject matter. The play on words is interesting but the lack of direction leaves it flat. |
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Spot Junior Member
since 2006-03-04
Posts 45CA, US |
I definitely enjoyed reading this, especially because I can relate to you in that I feel trapped in too many thoughts and analyzing everything to a point that it loses meaning. I can see Not A Poet’s point, that the dominance of elaborate adjectives and the way that the subject matter seems almost secondary to phrasing makes it seem like it isn’t moving towards a specific end, but it actually does, at least in my opinion, with “till death brings peace of mind.” The more intricate descriptions and ornate adjectives make it take more effort to follow, but (again, for me), that really is essential for the poem, because it mirrors the loss of meaning and relativity that comes with over-thinking something, the way that feeling and interest fade. Also, it produces some really beautiful phrasing. Sorry if this wasn’t what you were looking for, I just started writing and this is the first review I’ve done here.. but thanks for sharing this, I can really identify with it and it caught me off guard because it embodies the way I’ve been feeling lately. Thanks for writing. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Not bad at all, Spot, for a "first review." |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Thank you both for the reviews. I appreciate them. Obviously spot, you grasped what I was trying to accomplish with this poem. It's an attempt of showing just how much the mind can stray. It is supposed to invoke a sense of being overwhelmed while at the same time being totally clear. Guess it is not to not a poet's liking, that's okay too, that's what I came here for. I just received the book I had it published in so I guess I can't change it much now. "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
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