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Critical Analysis #2

Last Dress

LifeSinger
Junior Member

since 2006-01-15

Posts 25
Kentucky, USA

0 posted 2006-01-23 03:37 PM

Isolated in my own prison cloud,
I have poured down all my sorrows.
I’m staring out into the great sun shining.
Waiting for tomorrow.
Every next day brings to me,
A chance to come back down,
But I tell myself I’m just not ready,
To again dawn that ballroom gown.
The night is coming and in my ear,
I hear a voice that’s saying,
This is your eviction notice,
I can see you are weary of staying.

When morning breaks I sink down from my cloud,
I open my closet door,
Pull out the last dress I wore for you,
And dance straight to the ballroom floor.

Katerie
Member

since 2006-01-27

Posts 92
Central New York

1 posted 2006-01-28 08:29 AM

The last line really hits it off for the whole poem. You might want to break your two large stanzas into a couple of smaller ones, but other than that, I wouldn't change anything. It's really good.

playing.with.crayons
Member

since 2006-01-02

Posts 362
Neverland

2 posted 2006-02-03 04:06 AM

This is a lovely poem. Only thing I would change is the sorrow/tomorrow rhyme. But that's personal. It's simply a very overused phrase and I think it brings down the quality for your work.
anyhow, brava! xx

farewell the ash-tray girl

lequee
New Member

since 2006-02-03

Posts 1
virginia

3 posted 2006-02-03 10:29 AM

that was a great peomm but you might want to go into detail about the dress and the significance

LifeSinger
Junior Member

since 2006-01-15

Posts 25
Kentucky, USA

4 posted 2006-02-04 07:40 AM

Thanks guys, ill start working on it right now, And i just wanted to say how happy i am to have found a place like this!

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