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A home without a wall, |
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A home without a wall, |
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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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love poem (untitled |
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triggerfingerxx New Member
since 2006-02-02
Posts 8 |
heres an untitled poem... i just want ur opinions. _____________ your touch in death makes you beautiful your pantomime emiting dusk shrouds my charcoal rope you set me free. now give me wings. you see the lust melting away from my tainted skin the luminesent pool and the withered corpse serenity is here. now dive in while i carry you to heaven. seculsion in in depiction obsured in haze, we wake up. we should have known better. _______ ....for all of you who are wondering. im 14 years old. |
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| © Copyright 2006 triggerfingerxx - All Rights Reserved | |||
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playing.with.crayons Member
since 2006-01-02
Posts 362Neverland |
"you set me free. now give me wings" These two lines seem to me they'd be more effective if you separated them as a single stanza. There are a few spelling errors- "emitting, luminescent, seclusion and obscured" were all spelt wrong. But it had some very strong lines and I think it could be an excellent poem with some minor touching up. welcome to pip! xx |
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