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Critical Analysis #2
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Stone Heart
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Stone Heart |
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Jasternal New Member
since 2006-01-22
Posts 8 |
My eyes can see you, But my heart cannot reach you. My hand is touching you, But I cannot feel you. We are together, But you seemed a million miles away And I am so lonely... I am cold, But your arms are frozen to warm me. I need you, But your ears are deaf to hear my grief And your stone heart is numbed to ease my solitude… I am tired and I want to give up, But my heart is patient and keen to remain until your stone heart will thaw. [This message has been edited by Jasternal (01-23-2006 12:12 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 Jasternal - All Rights Reserved | |||
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gelato Member
since 2005-10-27
Posts 63TN,USA |
Good flow and interesting. It does need a few points to make it clearer. The poem says: "But you seemed so million miles away" There seems to be a word missing between 'so' and 'million', perhaps 'many'? Or is 'so' in this case supposed to be 'a'? "But your arms are frozen to warmth me." Maybe 'warmth' in this case should be 'warm'? Overall, a good poem! "Relationships are the one tangible connection we have with God" - Purpose Driven Life |
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Jasternal New Member
since 2006-01-22
Posts 8 |
i highly appreciated your pointers. thank you. |
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