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Critical Analysis #2
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Child of The Ghetto
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Child of The Ghetto |
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EsoDreamer New Member
since 2006-01-18
Posts 5 |
My life is in confusion It’s probably already ruined But, I know the source of my chaos My mom is to blame When I was a kid She lied to me, She told me I could grow up to be anything, I wanna be. Nothing could be further from the truth Truth is I’m a child of the ghetto Product of the ghetto With no way out the ghetto My childhood was filled with illusions Of a better life But, my dreams fade away as I become adjusted to the sound Of gunfire My world is full of zombies Walking around with nothing but white on the mind This is my reality No use in fighting against society Cause I am what I am A Child of the Ghetto Is what I am |
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| © Copyright 2006 EsoDreamer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hello Dreamer and welcome to the CA forum. Actually, I think you have a pretty good start here. The real problem is that it is just too much like prose. There are quite a few extra words that could be pared. Then, and most importantly, you need some imagery. You are just telling a story. Instead, you should be painting a word picture. Try replacing some of the plain statements with similies or, better yet, metaphors. I do think you can make something worthy of this. Pete |
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elpoeta Junior Member
since 2006-01-17
Posts 15Puerto Rico |
I agree with NOT A POET, the poem does lack some imagery and rythm. As far as the content, I can tell you that there are ways out of the ghetto. I come from one myself (Crown Heights - Brooklyn), and I found a way out, so can you. Mike I went to the woods because I wanted to live life deliberately... |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Dreamer, I removed the duplicate and bumped this one back to the top for you. Pete |
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