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Critical Analysis #2
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Faceless
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Faceless |
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playing.with.crayons Member
since 2006-01-02
Posts 362Neverland 
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A smile cracked her face in half Right down the middle Don't hold your breath it won't last long her fingers are already growing tighter around the glass How could you tell? she thought she hid it so well but oh For those winter days The glass falls to the floor and a laugh squeezes through the air constricted. Lips stained red at the edges She sways to the music in her head kneeling in front of me saying nothing but "please, please, please" with tears in her eyes and 'love' in her throat "She's a lovely woman such a trooper raising a child on her own" they don't see her with her head in the toilet Eight different men a week. They don't see me either. |
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| © Copyright 2006 cheye - All Rights Reserved | |||
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playing.with.crayons Member
since 2006-01-02
Posts 362Neverland |
Hello everyone at passions. I know I'm new and all, but I would GREATLY appreciate anything to improve this piece. I'm not quite happy with it yet, especially the title. happy thoughts... cheye xxxxxx |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
The CA forum can move pretty slow sometimes. It's late now but I'll try to get back tomorrow. Maybe someone else will sooner. |
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Dominique-Simone Senior Member
since 2005-11-12
Posts 643 |
It seems you have two different poems here... and I believe you need a few more concrete images in there. The 1st half is different the after a little bit the poem changes, almost as if there were two writers |
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