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majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

0 posted 2005-12-10 11:08 PM

i gave to a few people, turnabout is fair play...

------------------------------

Would that my mind's eye were blind!
I can still see her tear streaked face.
My head hard against a corner, no amount
of Blood can erase the memory of her pain.

Wise posturing, spear's point sharpened
and Poison tipped unknowingly yet responsibility
Remains a ribbed arrow burrowing into my heart.
With worthless words and petty sorrow I seek

to Expunge myself of guilt's painful parasites.
Oh ye Furies whip me raw! Reduce me to
a Quivering pile of flesh, maggot meat, no less!

Ha! You are cruel and knowing! No respite,
Huis Clos! Ou est le bourreau!
He is here inside, my knowing self, my life!

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

1 posted 2005-12-18 12:16 PM

majnu -

I love how it starts out strong and evolves into something fierce. Don't get me wrong; I love fierce poetry. Being fierce means you are passionate about what you are writing about. I especially love the last line, powerful! The reference to your life really hits me between the eyes; it really made me think. You have immense talent, you should be very very proud. Fine work - Ed Grim

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

2 posted 2005-12-19 03:49 AM

thanks very much ed.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

3 posted 2005-12-19 01:38 PM

this was amazingly beautiful....
thank you for writing and sharing

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

4 posted 2005-12-19 02:12 PM

"Oh ye Furies whip me raw! "

I'll be back later
whip in hand

once I figure out
where to apply
my long-lost poetic whip

Baba Michi
Junior Member

since 2005-12-07

Posts 40
Southern Germany

5 posted 2005-12-23 03:35 PM

this is a great poem, and the images convey the emotion very well.

I would avoid the arrow imagery. One is reminded a little of cupid... and I'm sure that's not what you were shooting for, but other than that I think it's pretty solid!

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

6 posted 2005-12-23 09:30 PM

stop torturing yourself! give me that whip!

lol, been reading Genet, or just being masochistic and studying too much?

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

7 posted 2005-12-24 02:56 AM

no md, this is older. i said something hurtful to a friend in the heat of the moment and then later i was the one who hurt the most because the thought of the pain i had given tortured me. she got over it a while ago whereas i still think about it. this is me waxing eloquentabout that in some ways.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

8 posted 2005-12-27 12:49 PM

thanks, and now it makes sense that
I should give HER the whip

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