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Critical Analysis #2
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Prisoner
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Prisoner |
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Ace33 New Member
since 2005-12-09
Posts 8 |
As a sad prisoner sits inside his cell// he thinks that his place of destination is hell// family and friends wait on the other side// a prisoner feels as if they'd been left to die// going through so much hurt and pain// nothin to do nothin to say left to go insane// what is a sad prisoner to do// care less now but imagin if that was you// spendin all your time,years and days// sittin up in a cell lonely and locked away// wishin you could go back in time// but you can't so now yo life is on the line// Ace |
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| © Copyright 2005 Ace33 - All Rights Reserved | |||
majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
line two is an obvious cliche. you leave words misspelled without any reason and the rhyme is forced. intersting idea but you need to spend more time on it. -majnu |
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playing.with.crayons Member
since 2006-01-02
Posts 362Neverland |
hello yes i agree most of the rhymes were forced and the spelling was off on a lot of words. instead of simply stating the prisoner was going through "hurt and pain", could you try using other less-used words in order to give us that feeling ourselves? only my humble opinion. cheye xx |
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Jasternal New Member
since 2006-01-22
Posts 8 |
i agree with previous critics, a lot of words were misspelled. on 4th line "a prisoner feels as if they'd been left to die", please take out 'a', and "they'd" is confusing me because 'prisoner' is singular and then you used "they'd". the message of your poem is good, but you need to rewrite it. please don't hate me. |
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