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The Gates
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The Gates |
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gelato Member
since 2005-10-27
Posts 63TN,USA |
The Gates It's done, the prophets wrote upon my wall But it's crumbling, it seems. The gate has turned to dust before my eyes Through which failings brightly gleam. Emotions have been torn apart With the reality I've seen. There will be no applause for me, Just silence without cease. Between these two gates I wait, Of laughter and of pain. To see which one will open first, Which piper have I paid? The laughter gate has been sown, Tear-watered without fail. The gate of pain is opened by laughter. I am caught between these fates. This knowledge is my deadly foe. In silence do I wait. "Relationships are the one tangible connection we have with God" - Purpose Driven Life |
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| © Copyright 2006 Patricia B. Carrasco - All Rights Reserved | |||
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gelato Member
since 2005-10-27
Posts 63TN,USA |
Any critiques? "Relationships are the one tangible connection we have with God" - Purpose Driven Life |
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Jasternal New Member
since 2006-01-22
Posts 8 |
"Between these two gates I wait", please put "will" between "I wait". "Of laughter and of pain", i suggest you use 'with' instead of 'of'(With laughter and pain) |
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gelato Member
since 2005-10-27
Posts 63TN,USA |
Thank you,Jastenal. The first suggestion I can see, if it doesn't interupt the flow. The second will change the meaning entirely. The gates are called "laughter" and "pain", I'm not laughing or in pain while I wait. I may edit it another way to make that fact clearer. "Relationships are the one tangible connection we have with God" - Purpose Driven Life |
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