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Critical Analysis #2
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Only Silence
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Only Silence |
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gelato Member
since 2005-10-27
Posts 63TN,USA |
Hello stranger, my old friend I see that down the drain you wend Because a chasm is slowly creeping It left its deeds as I was sleeping The chasm that was planted Is ingrained It explained Why I hear only silence. Through all distress I've talked and grown Even though I was alone. I studied and I crammed I turned this scholar from the old and damned I've seen your plight Mine was just trite It's good that I hear silence. But in his empty might I saw Facades of steeples that had flaw His bitter freaking about seeking His bitter fearing about listening Painful righting wrongs his voice has never shared He did not dare Perturb that wound of silence. Rules, I guess you do not know Silenced they don't stretch and grow. Hear my quiet so that I can fix you Of the pain so that it won't reach you. My cares were treated like absence I ached so, for his wall of silence. And the steeple bowed and laid For of sod was it made. And the signs smashed he was mourning And these words saw it was forming And the words said, "I see that you profit. Rid of me, you ignored my call That is not all. Whispered and broke the sound of silence." "Relationships are the one tangible connection we have with God" - Purpose Driven Life |
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| © Copyright 2005 Patricia B. Carrasco - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
At first look, I think you have done very well. I too have long been a Paul Simon fan. You have captured the essence while telling a different story. I do have a couple of small nits, modtly a word inversion or two and one place where, for me anyway, the rhythm seemed to break. I'll get back later to elaborate. Right now, it's the middle of the night and we are nursing a dying 17 year old dog. Thanks, Pete |
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gelato Member
since 2005-10-27
Posts 63TN,USA |
Thank you, Not A Poet. You do understand that this was taken from words I had written to that song and then turned it into my poem. I also contribute to a parody page....some of mine are funny, some not, like this one. "Relationships are the one tangible connection we have with God" - Purpose Driven Life |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I assumed that was the case. Sorry I haven't been back yet but will try tomorrow. |
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