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Critical Analysis #2

Protective Smile

gelato
Member

since 2005-10-27

Posts 63
TN,USA

0 posted 2005-10-30 08:31 AM

My pensive smile hides my will
While I perch and look thin skinned.

Everyday is borrowed sound
Bruised as one upon silence found

As, I profound, with my head bowed
Bemused with their raging din

And their love's neglectfulness surrounds.
So, frankly, I will be the talk of the town.

I reassess who wears the frown,
And who will wear the smiles and laughter.

"Buckle Up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car"

[This message has been edited by gelato (11-01-2005 05:12 PM).]

gelato
Member

since 2005-10-27

Posts 63
TN,USA

1 posted 2005-10-30 09:26 AM

I need some critique on this, please.

"Buckle Up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car"

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

2 posted 2005-11-06 10:34 AM

I find this strangely interesting. The feeling I get though is that it needs more consistent meter.

gelato
Member

since 2005-10-27

Posts 63
TN,USA

3 posted 2005-12-05 10:24 AM

Thanks.

"Relationships are the one tangible connection we have with God" - Purpose Driven Life

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