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Critical Analysis #2

Glacier

IcyFlamez89
Member

since 2003-02-14

Posts 292
Jersey City NJ

0 posted 2005-11-14 09:44 PM

i built for me a glacier
to hide beneath its glaze,
t'be seen as mist'd ideal,
t'be given words of praise

my bitter shards exhibit–
facades i use to feign–
a life of pure perfection,
whilst drowning in the pain

for years, with pride i skated
in breezes faked with ease,
to only meet the melting,
a'crippling disease

my frost'd foundation crumbles,
the fever takes its hold.
i'm left in naked image,
forsaken by the world

the fire burns my vitals,
the pieces drop as tears.
i'm weakened by the searing
and yield to inner fears

afraid of harsh reality–
afraid of what i've known:
the truth i was concealing
was hollow to the bone

b.costen
Member

since 2003-11-02

Posts 107
ontario, CAN

1 posted 2006-01-20 11:56 AM

a fairly awesome poem, compared with most of the new crap on here i've checked out just now

this forum is dead, in any other you should have had at least 10 comments

your writing isn't cramped or amateur/teenagerish like the others, and you manage to pull off some nice images

this isn't to insult others in this forum, just to say there has been a recent influx of teen/non criticism in the critics forum that i should say formerly was most unwelcome

if you're going to post in the critical forum then don't stary with "i don't do critiques", make a decision, say what you feel, the poster deserves your honest feedback

IcyFlamez89
Member

since 2003-02-14

Posts 292
Jersey City NJ

2 posted 2006-01-21 04:21 PM

thanks. It wasn't meant to be an angsty poem, simply an self-observation:

I've bs'ed my way out of things all my life, not putting much effort in things and somehow getting praise for my "excellence." It kind of made life meaningless and a farce. But suddenly I found myself getting down and dirty, working hard, to achieve the same level of "excellence." I can no longer fool the world as I once did, which is frightening and liberating at the same time.

But thanks for reading and actually giving an analysis.

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