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This Is A Call
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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This Is A Call |
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louise New Member
since 2005-07-14
Posts 8 |
The wind ripples through his shirt, swelling while contracting, like some high-speed boa. He is lean, like a small amount of water, spilt onto the floor, which vibrates with foot steps. He rides his motorcycle through his own reality, space, and time, reminding me to so the same. |
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| © Copyright 2005 louise - All Rights Reserved | |||
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louise New Member
since 2005-07-14
Posts 8 |
The last line should be "do the same." -Sorry |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Louise, Sorry I'm slow here. I thought others might have something to say. I found the first stanza interesting and thought it tied well into the last. Both are concise and pointed. The second is a little more problematic, for me anyway. First off, the simile seems a little off, just not sure you can make that stretch. Second, and maybe more serious, on reading I can't be sure whether the spilled water or the floor vibrates. I think you meant the water but the semantics doesn't make that clear. Finally, I wonder if you might just drop the final two lines entirely. For some reason, they just seem to come from nowhere rather than being a proper ending. JMHO and thanks for sharing. Pete |
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