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Sara is Sad
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Sara is Sad |
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami 
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girls are pink and boys are blue boys make girls feel blue girls cannot make boys think pink boys do not understand why they made girls blue girls sink pinkly into morning dews boys deny melancholy and speak of blue skies girls look up then and see only gray boys say tomorrow- hey! it's another day! girls reply- yeah... another gray same like yesterday boys next go surfing to escape the wet girls pinkly crash their waves of tears alone and stranded behind their sea walls boys laugh and surf their blue waves unawares |
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| © Copyright 2005 Reid Welch - All Rights Reserved | |||
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
This is a beginner's muffing... I'd have liked to font this cliche-word poem into dark gray.. and will learn to do this by reading and practicing. Even making my lines space above was frustrating. The subtitle is "observations from mid-spectrum" to be in italics. (hence the gray font is wanted, needed for that subtitle to even make sense. Also sensed by "mid-spectrum": that I am half-way, myself, between boys and girls in general perceptions Sara is a real person, is young, and was miserable about her boyfriend for his avoiding her love thoughts, making choices, and well, you have long known this story. Simple words meant to sound -cliche- even though, possibly, this presentation is not that. --I owe commentary here- and you owe me nothing, so just let this fluff sink as it will.. I will be working commentaries left and right in the next few days- thanks for tolerating me, reid |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hello Reid, Welcome to PIp and to the Critical Analysis Forum (CA). Congratulations on your first post. It looks like you already understand how CA works. But please do take the time to read the guidelines, both general PIP and CA. From the discussion in Q&A, I think you will enjoy CA. We do encourage real critique here, in a constructive manner, of course. CA is a little slower than some of the other forums but new blood should help bring it out of hiding. Thanks, Pete |
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
thanks, Pete... I don't see any hard crits even here...but I am -hoping- for blunt commentary on any and all of my junk. I'll go look now at the huggy feely board and put up a huggy feely poem. heck, mabye someone will bite! thanks... and i shall be doing more critting than posting. =wish there were a humor/whimsey forum here. is one for dark and one for this and that and serious and..Well, there are not many humorists around on any of the boards.. so no real need for a specialty forum I guess. cheerio, reid |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Here's a formal welcome to Passions in Poetry, Reid - You'll find many a pile of fluff amidst our forums, and likely a few crank-poets as well. As this is your first post with us, please check your email for a little tidbit...  |
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b.costen Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107ontario, CAN |
hey reid, you're perfectly right--you'll get better with reading and massive amounts of practice i think this one is original to a point. bluntly, you could either end it at the 4th line, instead of delving into the nuances, or rewrite after the 4th line (not always fun) look forward to your improvements ben so what's it going to be then, eh? |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
...and in addition to the welcomes, be free to visit the archives. A few months [HA] of reading...and you will see many meins and ways of several who do just what you ask; as well as a full-fledged family who insists [for the most part] that every poet needs... poets who understand. So while we may not bite? We most certainly give guidance. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
LOL, since my daughter's name is Sara, I had to laugh a bit at this one. My Sara daily handles look-at-me-I-am-a-super-stud stallions and get-away-from-me-I'm-pissed-off-as-hell mares, and she refuses to think in pink, or blue, for that matter. As for the poem, congrats on giving me a giggle. Even though I learned some of the basics of critiquing in college, I rarely critique in any depth. Guess I'm just too lazy, or perhaps, don't feel really qualified. I appreciate all feedback that is constructive, and intend to offer you such as I can. I just can't identify anything offhand with this write that I'd change, as you hit my funny bone with the whimsical approach to a sometimes difficult subject. But it could have ended after line three, for me.  |
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
Heya all, and to ben in particular: thanks now, the poem was not contrived as it may appear. It was made in response to young Sara's ramble- release of female frustration I like to reduce "complicated' things. men and women just think differently (generally speaking) fwiw: http://forum.poetryconnection.net/viewtopic.php?p=29074#29074 at any rate, I confess: the poem came right out off the cuff in real time when i revisited Sara's ramble. that ramble so confused me the first time I read her out.. but when the thread floated back up to my attention.. this item came out without seeming forethought or deliberation. That's -nothing to advertise to poets-, I know...I say it to assure you that your crits are especially valid because you have the analytical perspective of outsider view. Do I? Pro'lly not! thanks! |
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