»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #2
»
Dryshod
| Critical Analysis #2 |
|
Dryshod |
|
|
eminor_angel Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323Canada |
Dryshod "And the LORD shall utterly destroy the tongue of the Egyptian sea; and with his mighty wind shall he shake his hand over the river, and shall smite it in the seven streams, and make men go over dryshod" - Isaiah 11:14-16 feels like dampness would kill you snatch your hope and faith like Death's angel took Pharaoh's baby so dryshod could lead you free of your excuses to doubt would He have let even one drop stray? I know this poem needs revision, most likely some expansion, but I'm having a drought of ideas. Thanks for your help. ~S [This message has been edited by eminor_angel (02-20-2005 11:02 AM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2005 eminor_angel - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
eminor_angel Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323Canada |
I made an error in the line breaks of this poem, as 'would He have let even one drop stray" is the last line of the poem, and the following lines are commentary. I intended there to be spaces separating them. Sorry! |
||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
You can edit it and make the correction, if you hurry; only 24 hours to do so. Click the icon in the bar over the poem that looks like a note pad with a pencil. Hold the pointer over it a second and it will say edit, or something like that. At the next window then just make any changes you want and click the SUBMIT button when done. |
||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Without the biblical reference, the poem has a hard time standing on its own. You're right, more substance is needed. Also, this one cries out for punctuation. The line breaks are misleading when reading. For example, without a comma before snatch in the first line, in is grammatical nonsense. I think you have a good start but it does need alot more work. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
