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Critical Analysis #2
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b.costen
Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107
ontario, CAN

0 posted 2005-01-26 10:31 AM


1st Entry:
extremities beginning to redden
and numb
worried about falling asleep

2nd Entry:
sharp wincing pain present
while urinating
any moisture freeze-cracks
upon meeting the air
fires take 2 hrs to build
and blow out easily

3rd Entry:
past the treeline now; rarely found wood  
must be brought along
have considered urine as heat source
but logistically flawed
its becoming difficult
to write

4th Entry:
penis frozen black
sat down and contemplated suicide for two hours
didn’t have the strength
and gun is jammed
decided to move on

Last Entry:
this might be the last entry
only three fingers left hand
w/ feeling still
stacy cut her leg and
the dogs turned on her then ran

not sure if they’re real
or just some perverted
vision of death, but
i've been seeing large
black birds perching on
petrified trees

afraid to try shooting at them
because i'm pretty sure
they’re not real and i
don’t want to find out
i've been seeing things

New Entry:
penis finally fell off
and went stark mad
tried shooting a bird
but no effect
either i'm a terrible
shot or nothing’s
there

New Entry:
unexpectedly found a
dead animal corpse (one of the dogs?
or maybe a jackrabbit—not sure) while
floundering in the snow
and was able to have
one last fire
only a few matches left
out of wood completely

New Entry:
i believe i've contracted some
form of disease from that dead animal
what little feeling in my body
i have left is devoted to
mind ripping pain
fell on a steel pike out of the ground
can only limp about 2 miles a day now
am positive of impending death

New Entry:
2 men found me lying on the snow
they say i'm lucky to be alive
both ears are damaged tho and my tongue is not cooperating so they don’t think i can understand them
have overheard some interesting conversations

New Entry:
tried to escape but made too much noise
they must think i'm mad and a danger to myself so they’ve chained me up
they let me write in my journal for a few minutes each day
which is my favorite part of the afternoon


© Copyright 2005 ben costen - All Rights Reserved
Red Dreams
Member
since 2005-01-09
Posts 90
massachusetts
1 posted 2005-02-03 06:39 PM


wow.
(realizing that's not constructive criticism at all)

wow.

longte
Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199
Australia
2 posted 2005-04-07 03:38 AM


Agree with the WOW

But Is it a Poem?

I'm Very new here but surely there is a difference between a poem and a short story spoken slowly

Live It

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