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A home without a wall, |
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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Geno |
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b.costen Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107ontario, CAN |
There was that one day I grabbed a black boy by his curls And ripped him in half At the waist He bled out cold as An ocean of hatred And I knew I was corruptible |
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| © Copyright 2005 ben costen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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eminor_angel Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323Canada |
Wow, the stark imagery really grabs the reader. I don't understand the title, though. Is it the name of the boy, or some reference to genetics (ie the difference b/w races) perhaps? |
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b.costen Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107ontario, CAN |
geno... self made abbrev. for genocide i.e. Rwanda thanks for your comment, i'll consider making the title more understandable but your in depth read in to it was highly enjoyable |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
WHY CORRUPTIBLE INSTEAD OF CORRUPT? tHE POEM IS SO SHORT AND DIRECT, IT SEEMS STRANGE TO ADD that. Oh. sorry about the caps. I'm really not yelling.  |
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b.costen Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107ontario, CAN |
Haha, hush True, it is a longer version of a word, but man... i think i used that because its truer than saying 'corrupt' because no one is truely corrupt until they've passed the point of no return Realizing you're corruptible tho is an entirely different sensation Make sense? so what's it going to be then, eh? |
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eminor_angel Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323Canada |
The word 'corruptable' is definately the right choice. I believe that the author is focusing on the potential in him (and thus, in other human beings) to become corrupt, rather than saying that he IS corrupt already. It lends a totally different meaning to the poem, and its also an excellent ending line. |
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b.costen Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107ontario, CAN |
i think, ms. e minor that you completely understand the meaning/feeling i was trying to portray this might be the first time this has ever happened i turned 22 today, and you have no idea how happy i am |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I agree with corruptible. I does make the point you intended. It was stark and pointed but maybe too obscure. It is open to too many possible interpretations, until you gave yours, that is. Maybe if you had not abbreviated the title it might have been more clear to the reader. If you want to lead the reader toward your intent then you have to give some substance leaning in that direction. Leaving the meaning open is a useful tool but, to me anyway, the openness here takes away much of the poser of the statement. |
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
I certainly sensed through the poem at first, easy reading. However, "Geno" did not regisgter as "genocide" -that- is too cloaked for any reader to get- suggestion: under the poem of this nature (for instance) you might put the full word "genocide", well separated and in different font. A -synopisis clue- is what you might call it. It's an easy trick and is not really affected or harmful to a poem, in my beginner's opinion. Oh, and happy 22 to b costen reid |
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b.costen Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107ontario, CAN |
netsky, and notapoet thankyou for all your replies except for calling one of my poems 'cute', i'm greatly appreciative of your comments and understandings for the latest one, fait je bois, i think netsky got it more its meant to be read all as one line, up to the semi-colon, but i did debate using it netsky, what i'm wondering is if you've detected a certain feel to my poems? as thats what i'm attempting to achieve thanks for both of your help ben so what's it going to be then, eh? |
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
Yes, here is what is immediately apparent to me: you have a unique style that makes all your poems that I've read instantly identifiable as b.c. poems. This is a good thing. I like the abstractions in your poems. I recall saying "cute" in reply to one of your poems.. the one about crossed female legs? I think it was that one. well, i'll refrain from "cute" commentary like that but dang, crossed female legs in your poem -did- come off as cute. I speak my mind, ya know (and how) OK, but let's have more frank and blunt critical. I can do this but I can't (don't wish to, really) divorce your poems' transitory effect on me from my commentaries written off the cuff in response while the effect is fresh. I can give cooler commentary but you won't get as much of my sensings. I'd have to hold back, wondering what may or may not be too "cute" a response for you. Myself? I'll take any flavor of critical commentary blunt or sweet. I really prefer blunt because I get a better idea how the poem really looks to the discerning reader. If a poem gets no critical commentary.. what do we take home from that? I presume the writer should either think: -the poem is intimidatingly perfect or -the poem is so odd as to put off the interest of prospective reviewers. (neither assumption holds water) thanks.. keep loose and never take umbrage at my cute or flip replies. It's all part of the desensitizing and learning experiences for us both, and for us all here. Styles. Differences. Celebrate, share, compare and take lumps of salt for each tenth of sugar. yes/no? PS: I only wrote my first poem in late October. I'll turn 51 in May. You just turned 22. Where was I at 22? Someplace very different than the poetry world. What a surprise to make a late entry. I am odd all over. You are too- but in a really appealing style which I hope you only develop further but never cast off. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I don't think there was any offense taken over the "cute" comment. Whatever your critical style is, go with it. That is, as long as it is acceptable within our guidelines. Actually, that "cute" comment seemed accurate. I thought it was cute and I mean that in a good way. I remember finding that poem quite enjoyable and well written. |
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