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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Man in the moon |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams 
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The man in the moon laughs at me As I bleed maroon and cry out What is more ludicrous, I only love the moon -Juju I usually don't post tyhe good ones (I had stuff stolen years past), but since its Ron's birthday... happy birthday. I put it in here so it can be ripped apart. Heh it's how I learn. Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (; [This message has been edited by Brad (01-13-2007 08:10 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2005 Juju - All Rights Reserved | |||
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
Hi Juju, The man in the moon laughs at me As I bleed maroon and cry out What is more lutacrist, I only love the moon Spelling of the key word and tiny fixes are all you need, in my dorfish opinion. The poem is small. I -like- small! The message is neatly sublime May I illustrate my thin thoughts? (hope this is not a breach of newbie decorum) --- The man in the moon laughs at me As I bleed maroon and cry out What is more ludicrous than that? I only love the moon ---- Your incorporation of "ludicrous" is absolutely perfect. It makes the tiny poem a great success, Whether you care for my suggestions or not. Wonderful to think that such few words can still be made to convey fresh-feeling thought perspectives. Thank you, reid |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
Actually yes I do It is to late to fix thoughs now though. |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
JuJu~ I don't do 'critiques' ... but I know when something 'works' and this does~ And Reid's suggestions are quite nice~ You CAN repost this in the Corner Pub, if you'd care to do so~ I think it would be greatly enjoyed by our members there~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
Thank you Marge, -Juju |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
I liked this too, Juju. Ironic and witty in just the right amount of words. |
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gelato Member
since 2005-10-27
Posts 63TN,USA |
I liked it, Juju. And, that's a helpful hint about the Corner Pub, Marge. I'm always changing mine. "Relationships are the one tangible connection we have with God" - Purpose Driven Life |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
Thank you for the responces Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic |
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midnightblues Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 1597Singapore |
Hi Juju, I'm not too sure if you did post it in corner pub, just wanted to let out that I LOVE THIS! yay Love, MiCheLLe If there cannot be equal in affection, then let the one with more be me - midnightblues |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
Thank you for you comment I appreciate it alot. -Juju -<>-~-<>-~-<>- |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Do you want me to change the spelling? |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
(: yes. Thank you Brad. Sorry for the tardyness. -Juju -Juju |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
There is a stark strength to this piece. The only thing that bothers me is the lack of Andy Kaufman. |
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trebuchet Junior Member
since 2007-01-12
Posts 30 |
is this a play on the jazz tune with the line: "the man in the moon is smiling 'cause he's in love with the girl in the world?" If so, I'm interested to better understand the last line. Is she in unreciprocated love wiht the moon, or is she actually separating the man from the moon? If it's the latter, I want to know why. Aren't they one and the same? |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
Brad what do you mean, I have no Idea who that is? But your right, this is a very dark poem. Probably one of the darker ones. trebuchet- It might be, I am really in to jazz, and I listened to it since I was little. Your definition seems to hit on with the irony of the poem. Only the meaning of the poem is actually, that the "moon" hurts the one he loves (like time and again cruelly), but the "girl" stays with him because she has fallen in love with material things, (The moon and not the man). If it is true that the image in my mind, was inspired by that song, I should give credit to it, because the poem would never have looked like this. Thankyou both for enjoying my poem -Juju -Juju |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I confused Man in the Moon with Man on the Moon. Sorry. You've never heard of Andy Kaufman? |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Brad, I bet Andy was "before her time." |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
But the movie? |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
??? I am 21... and I don't get out much... [This message has been edited by Juju (01-20-2007 10:57 PM).] |
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trebuchet Junior Member
since 2007-01-12
Posts 30 |
Juju, you gotta see the movie.  That's a whole 'nother interesting twist on this little poem... |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
ok I will. -Juju |
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