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Critical Analysis #2

a lesson in darkness

b.costen
Member

since 2003-11-02

Posts 107
ontario, CAN

0 posted 2004-11-05 03:13 AM

what is the thickness of your soul?
what are the dimensions of your inner hollows?
who could hold you in a crystal ball and laugh?
what cackle would take away from that immediate being of you?
which film could record your humble need to be unseen?
my eyes cannot keep you more than a moment,
but if I shut them tight I see your colourful imprint:
a stamp of memory and you existing within this shape.

sorrowfulangel
Member

since 2000-06-29

Posts 59
Memphis,TN

1 posted 2004-11-11 12:26 PM

I like the way you write...

"god is the biggest under-achiever I know,something good happens god is great,something bad happens,he now works in mysterious ways"

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

2 posted 2004-11-12 09:06 AM

This reminds me of the Wizard of Oz. Is it supposed to?

My only critique is that the questions asked in the beginnning start to seem formulaic. Especially the first two line:

'what is the thickness of your soul?
what are the dimensions of your inner hollows?'

Could probably be narrowed down to something like:

'what are the thickness of your soul,
the dimensions of your inner hollows?'

hope I've helped.

b.costen
Member

since 2003-11-02

Posts 107
ontario, CAN

3 posted 2004-11-12 09:23 AM

Thankyou sorrowful, I can always endure a little self-appreciation (I couldn't find any of your work, have you posted any yet?), and to hush: your comment was true, the beginning is a little like a formula--I'll try to work around it and haha, most people thought of gypsies or witches (strange), but I guess that would fit in with the wizard of oz theme as well so you're not too far off

ben

so what's it going to be then, eh?

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

4 posted 2004-11-18 10:33 AM

Did you just watch a movie?

Not interesting.

Yes, I'll be back.

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