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Critical Analysis #2
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Sun Dried
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Sun Dried |
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b.costen Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107ontario, CAN |
after apples i thought if i opened my sister’s chest i’d find seeds its common to find life sprouting but what i found was a tumour 20 years old and ready for the harvest that’s the problem with cancer you have to wait well, there’s always more chocolate, and the facts and sadness to follow a season’s wilt |
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| © Copyright 2004 ben costen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
I'm not around a great deal these days. But even I, in my semi-absence, have noticed something about your writing. When you write lengthy pieces you seem to waffle on a bit (such as 'come back, as the wind comes back). Then you go and write a shorter piece and often we get a bit of poetry-juice going. Like this. About the best thing I've read at pip for weeks (probably cause I haven't read much so don't feel too flattered rotf...) Seriously, though, this is good b. Very very good. But then, I really like plain poetry that doesn't rely on device, rhetoric. I'd look at your comma's in the third to last line and figure a way around the poem without those - given the form of the rest of it. its in the 5th line needs to be it's. The last line though - I have a problem with that. That's the one line that starts bending into pure imagery and I don't think it really fits with the rest, and dissolutes the strength of the poem. Thanks for the read, and the inspiration to reply heh.  K |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I don't mind the last line. I think it works, since seasons are a theme in this poem. I really like how the first section is very blunt- opening his sisters chest? Instant images of incest or stabbing popped into my head. And upon reading the next part, I got to thinking... is the narrator a doctor? Cancer is a disconcerting subject to begin with -the idea of a tumor hijacking the body. You did a good job presenting it as such. |
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b.costen Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107ontario, CAN |
thanks you guys :) so what's it going to be then, eh? |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hush quote: which is why I didn't like the last line - thinking it didn't stay true to the overall matter of factness... K |
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