Alone (revision #2) - pipTalk Forums

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epoet
Member

since 2000-05-11

Posts 291
grand rapid,MI, usa

0 posted 2004-09-09 09:53 AM

Alone,
feeling lost.
Alone,
feeling unloved.

Wondering why
I was put on earth.
Wondering what
is my purpose.

Am I to spend
my life scared,
sheltered,
afraid of my shadow?

Alone,
feeling lost.
Alone,
feeling unwanted.

Society says
that I am
an eccentric
young man.

Laying my heart
on the line
waiting for you to see
how much I love thee.

Hurt and hollowed
from past rejections,
scared to even face
my own reflection.

Wanting so much
to feel someones touch,
to heal the holes
in my soul.

A smile to
gladden my heart,
a word spoken
with sweet honesty.

Longing for
the woman
who understands
my tender soul.

Reaching desperately
for contact,
I hope for your hand
to grab my soul.

Bringing me into
your warm embrace,
I'm finally feeling
love...

veniceflorida
Junior Member

since 2007-10-03

Posts 22
Florida

1 posted 2007-10-15 08:09 AM

To have someone to love and have them love you back ... Very Nice!

chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

2 posted 2007-10-15 09:14 AM

"Love is a Many Splendored Thing"

I don't see any splendor here.

Show us an April rose a wind swept hill.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

3 posted 2007-10-15 12:25 PM

A little confused.

Why are you posting this here?

Um, what do you want from us?

It sounds, it is very personal. What do you want us to tell you?

Help!

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

4 posted 2007-10-15 08:43 PM

Echoes of the last time I tried to be careful before the onslaught of working with the poem.

If that came off as too abrupt I apologize. What would be helpful is letting us know what you're looking for.

To be honest, this is the kind of poem that resists all forms of critique because of its very nature.

Of course, if you want to talk about that . . . .

epoet
Member

since 2000-05-11

Posts 291
grand rapid,MI, usa

5 posted 2007-10-17 09:26 AM

This poem was a reflection on a time when I was going through hard times after the death of a fiancee. I was reflecting on how I felt alone and unloved and then found someone who is now my wife and I love for helping me through.

P. J. Kotrch
carpe diem
A soul once touched is a soul once blessed by love

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

6 posted 2007-10-17 09:56 AM

Then that's my advice to you.

Write about those times, not how you feel about those times (that will no doubt seep through).

Do you see my point?

kjb
New Member

since 2007-10-17

Posts 7
Australia

7 posted 2007-10-17 08:00 PM

I see this as a 'got to get this off my chest' poem. The difficult part for a reader is to go with your emotional outpourings, luckily most of us have been there with you at some point in our lives

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

8 posted 2007-10-17 08:36 PM

Yes, that's exactly what it is. The problem comes when we move beyond the "I can relate" reaction.

And of course sometimes, the writer will come back with, "No, you can't. You don't know what I've been through."

Which is always true.

chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

9 posted 2007-10-18 07:04 PM

"I can relate"

When someone says that to me I know I didn’t do a good job. A poet should take you where you have never been before. Like Chemical Repose did in “Humbled” and Brad did in "Hobbies"

I like both of them but I can't relate to either one.

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