Solitaire - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Critical Analysis #2

Solitaire

Kellie_Cantrell
Senior Member

since 2002-05-22

Posts 1667
New York

0 posted 2004-07-20 06:21 PM

Motoring along a synthetic path,
deficient of judging the aftermath.
Tolerable, but not modest,
barely quivering near conquered inhalation.
A defeat soon known.
Undistinguished flavor depthless in anguish.
Shallow, temptation playing its cards.
Extinguished, acing a perfect solitaire.

RobertB
Senior Member

since 1999-09-26

Posts 1104
Champaign, IL

1 posted 2004-07-24 08:59 PM

I like this one

of course this is critical analyis and that comment wasn't either of those...but at this moment, I don't feel like critical or analysis.

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

2 posted 2004-07-27 12:07 PM

'Motoring along a synthetic path,
deficient of judging the aftermath.'

I think this is a really interesting beginning, although I don't think I understand how it is fleshed out here... the rest of the poem is a little too cryptic and disjointed- I want to know, "the aftermath of what?" and I can't figure it out.

The lines:

'Tolerable, but not modest,
barely quivering near conquered inhalation.
A defeat soon known.'

kind of make me think the the morning after a one-night stand- the conquered inhalation being the after-sex smoke... the defeat being the reality that it was a bad idea... but am I off base totally?

'Undistinguished flavor depthless in anguish.'

I think this is a bit too cryptic to help the reader out much, but instead comes off as long words used as filler or mood...

'Shallow, temptation playing its cards.
Extinguished, acing a perfect solitaire.'

Far too passive to end this... I don't know who or what you're describing here... this would be an excelent place to introduce an "I" or "you" or "he/she" to give the poem some personality and direction... but if you want to keep it impersonal, I would really say to at least be more active and less passively descriptive in ending the poem.

Hope I've helped.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.