»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #2
»
Silence
| Critical Analysis #2 |
|
Silence |
|
|
peaceful_dreamer Member
since 2003-04-25
Posts 159SoMeWhErE oVeR tHe RaInBoW |
sitting up high on the grassy hill, just sitting in silence, troubled by thoughts. A warm breeze pushes me gently toward the tree trunk i'm sitting by. warning me not to think any harder 'cause it's really not worth it. i find a flower in my hand, i'm allergic, so i put it down in the fresh spring grass. the flower dissapears into the ground, and vines start to entwine my wrist. the winds carry me away. the hill is left in silence, i'm watching it from a better place. silence has surrounded me, my old heart has found peace at last. "I'm just me, trapped in a body." |
||
| © Copyright 2004 Jennifer Pederson - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
There are some interesting lines, but this poem seems to suffer a little bit from a lack of direction. 'troubled by thoughts' Thoughts of what? Or is thinking in general that troubling? 'A warm breeze pushes me gently toward the tree trunk i'm sitting by. warning me not to think any harder' Is the breeze trying to put you to sleep? That's the only logical way I can see it doing what it's doing. 'i find a flower in my hand, i'm allergic, so i put it down' I personally find this the most interesting part... the idea of just randomly finding something there, in your hand, something bad for you, and the wistfullness with which you wrote these lines works really well. I would probably use a period after the first line instead of a comma, though. 'the flower dissapears into the ground, and vines start to entwine my wrist. the winds carry me away.' This seems to be a conflict of imagery. How can you be both tied down and carried away at once? 'i'm watching it from a better place. silence has surrounded me, my old heart has found peace at last.' Did the narrator die? I hope my questions will help you better guide and focus this so it can be more clear and focused for other readers. Hope I've helped. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
