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Critical Analysis #2
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AleinNation
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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AleinNation |
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Fagin Member
since 2004-05-07
Posts 126Ca 
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AlieNation Like my father before me, and like his before him.. Sent off to kill in a foreign land.. I woke up last night, another sleepless dream.. Wakin’ up in a cold night sweat.. But now I’m at home and I feel.. I’m not alone.. am I in someone else’s dream? Someone I had to track down, someone I had to kill.. Now that someone lives next to me.. I woke up last night, another cold night sweat. Was being chased through the killing fields. By the man I had to track down, the man I had to kill.. Now that man lives next to me.. But now I’m at home and I feel.. I’m not alone.. am I in someone else’s dream? Someone I had to track down, someone I had to kill.. Now that someone’s after me.. You’re in my backyard, you’re in my home.. You’re runnin the gas station, the liquor store, the grocery store.. You want, you want, you need it, you want, you want, you take it, you want, you want, you want it all.. I can’t help but wonder, should have my life been spared? I can’t help but wonder, Am I living with the hell from there? you want, you want, you need it, you want, you want, you take it, you want, you want, you want it all.. Cuz I’m feeling it.. I’m Alien.. In Alienation.. Arrangement and Score By Kelly Atwell and Robert Rilling Robert Rilling |
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| © Copyright 2004 Robert Rilling - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Strong emotions but much too wordy. You could lose most of the articles and many of the adjectives and other unnecessary words. The repetition doesn't work as well as it might. I think that too is because of the wordiness. It may fall into place if you cut some. BTW, cuz is just not a good word to use, not a word at all, in fact. I suppose it fits in all right with the "teen angst" poetry but not something serious as this. I like your play on alienation. Nice touch. JMHO, Pete |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
As a lyric, I understand the score and words... the repetition, for a song, works well... keep writing... you know someone will keep listening... love you. |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Actually, this makes a lot of sense to me, sad but true. Sure would like to hear the music. ........jo |
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