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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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not yet titled (incomplete) |
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A B S T R A C T Junior Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 27-=NYC=- |
I am not sure if I should continue this poem. To be honest, I don't really like it. But please tell me what you think. Drink heaven's honey till it's no more So the sweetness stops shooting Illusionary illumination. The first sons of the sun Blessed, burned, stolen and stripped Betrayed by the burn Were the first to be buried. The first sons of the sun Watching their fair brothers feast Jump for the table scraps And it is difficult to discern The brother who eats From the animal that he eats. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
If you don't like it then I suspect any efforts to fix it, other than a complete rewrite, would likely fail. As for my impression, well it just seems to ramble without really saying anything. If mine, I think I would just start over too. JMHO Pete |
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