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Critical Analysis #2
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Insomnia
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Insomnia |
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grassy ninja Junior Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 41Kentucky |
I heard the street cleaners come and go The night like an urgent assignation Put off by all but them "Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string" -Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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wickedbeautifulpoetry Member
since 2004-01-03
Posts 84Indiana, USA |
I like the first line alright, but the word order seems to take away from what you're trying to say in the 2nd and 3rd lines. In my opinion, it would be beneficial to change the order or to maybe rephrase it slightly. But, I do like what you have here. Also, in the first line, you might use 'hear' instead of 'heard', unless you prefer it in past tense. But, with the feeling of insomnia, I would think you would be speaking of what you're hearing while you're sitting there. Other than that, I do like this. Enjoy what you can, endure what you must. -Goethe |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I agree... I think the first line works, but the second two are just kind of awkward... at first I wasn't even sure what you were trying to get across. |
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