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Critical Analysis #2
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A NIGHT WITH A POET
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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A NIGHT WITH A POET |
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THEMAGICALMYSTRYOFPOEMS New Member
since 2004-04-01
Posts 9arizona |
A NIGHT WITH A POET To meet a poet In the dark of night Who opens your heart And adds to your insight Is a true gift One can imagine I sat there and read I sat there and cried Feeling as tho I was Right by their side Feeling their pain Feeling their gifts Of someone who shares With someone who cares Late into the night Til we saw sunlight Seeing their unicorns Running freely about I even felt the breeze From the butterfly wings It all seems so real When you have shared A night with a poet |
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| © Copyright 2004 Marilyn Ciptak - All Rights Reserved | |||
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forne_marin Member
since 2004-04-13
Posts 140Spartanburg, South Carolina |
Okay, I don't like leaving poems unanswered, especially in this forum, so I'm going to give yours a shot. First off, you need to decide whether you're doing free verse or rhyming. You can't sit on the fence. Lyrical rhyming poetry is a very unforgiving art. That being said, I'm thinking about changing my handle to "itsallaboutrhythm", because that's what I believe. Rhythm is the "heartbeat" of a poem, and your rhythm could use some work. So unless I state otherwise, all of the proposed changes are to smooth out the metrical rhythm of the poem. Stanza one, line four, I'd change "And adds to your insight" to "a true insight". Stanza two, line four should be changed to "Right there by their side". Stanza four needs the most work. In line 3, you should drop "their", and line 4 needs to be completely reworked. I'm run though it six or seven times and I just can't make the meter work. So far you have (including my edit) the following: (I've put the stressed syllables in bold. Late | in- | to | the | night Til | we | saw | sun- | light See- | ing | u- | ni- | corns Run- | ning | free- | ly | a- | bout Thus you have an extra syllable in line four. I don't know what to suggest on this one, but you need to rework it. The last stanza is slightly metrically different from the rest of the poem, but I think that can be used to your advantage to help drive your point home. I'd move the words "a night" from the beginning of line 3 to the end of line 2. Thus it keeps both lines one and two of stanza five metrically symetrical with the rest of the poem, but makes the last line stand out more because it is asymetrical. Drives your point home a little stronger, I think. Good poem, though. Nice images. I enjoyed it. But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is I'm the only one! |
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gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
>To meet a poet In the dark of night Who opens your heart And adds to your insight Is a true gift One can imagine< teh last two lines of his stanza are dissonant. Maybe: Is the truest gift One can imagine or at least a comma Is a true gift, One can imagine or Is a true gift of imagination or something, but not as it stands. the closing was weak >It all seems so real When you have shared A night with a poet< I think it needs a major reworking, but if not, here are some minor suggestions: It all seemed so real When you have shared A night with a poet It all seems so real When you share A night with a poet It all seems real; shared night with a poet what exactly were you sharing? that is an act between two people in my mind - what did the poet get from you? |
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rainydaymusic Junior Member
since 2004-01-14
Posts 26 |
I think it's a sentiment that should be expressed, you know, this gratitude towards great writers - and that certainly comes across in the poem. If that's what you wanted to accomplish, then you did it well. There's a sweet tone to the poem. But I agree with the first reply, that is, it could use some rhythm.. it seems to me that there aren't any pauses. It just goes on and on until you get the end. Put a few pauses in there to give the reader a chance to think about the words you just said. |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
'First off, you need to decide whether you're doing free verse or rhyming. You can't sit on the fence.' I disagree with this statement. Haven't you ever read Emily Dickinson?  It's all about the intention of deviating from the rhyme scheme (and, of course, the skill with which you pull it off.)I see your point, and I think what you're saying (at least what I'm seeing) is that this poem seems to have been written with rhyming intent, and when the authordidn't have a rhyme, she just wrote whatever fit. I think that's better than forcing some godawful rhyme. Magical, I will say that I think the rhymes you used were kind of simplistic. I think to really show homage to great writers, you may want to consider using some references and a little more complicated language, like adding some imagery and descriptions. But you didn't force a rigid rhyme scheme. That's a good thing. Hope I've helped. |
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