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Flowerbeds
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Flowerbeds |
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wings of the moon Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323Pink bubblegum land 
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My geraniums shall be planted today, For passers by to smile at “What a nice chap” and jolly good pillows Stuffed in their eyes as they hat. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Claire Lucille - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
hum 'as they hat' Explain? Your comma in the first place looks out of place with a capitalised 'For' enjambed on the next line and the absence of the fullstop after 'at' doesn't help matters either - if you think that all lines of poetry need capitalising I'd suggest a review... Words like 'shall' and 'jolly' make for a stiff, formal read; perhaps that was your intention given the 'theme' I can read into this piece, but it doesn't work for me...  K |
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wings of the moon Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323Pink bubblegum land |
sorry just got your reply  the capital letters can be blamed on Words which only seems to like capital letters at the start of each line and (my fault) I forgot to change them over. I agree with you about the comma, it probably works better minus the comma. As to the formality it is part of the purpose of this piece, for english at the moment i've read too many WW1 books and its washed out on me. My coursework is based on this Mrs Dalloway quote "His geraniums ruined in the war" (tanging into conventions/appearances etc). Is this what you understood from the piece? Anyway, "as they hat" was the only way i could find in a few words to demonstrate that gesture of taking off ones hat, and bowing slightly in greeting. anyways, thanks for the crit! |
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