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Critical Analysis #2
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going back
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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going back |
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a123 Member
since 2004-03-27
Posts 72 |
going back.... going back... is never the same looking back things always seem great everything is much easier everything is more fun everything is everything except what it is right now then why does it happen once you go back things once so big, seem so small they dont seem so great after all maybe its because the things have changed or maybe its because of a change within you... [This message has been edited by a123 (03-28-2004 09:04 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 a123 - All Rights Reserved | |||
MGROVES
since 2004-02-01
Posts 3802california |
interesting  |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Yes, interesting, concept, that is. The execution is a little lacking. I think this could work but it just reads too simply, almost childishly. It might be better with some more sophisticated language. And drop the repetition. Make it a simple statement instead. This is, of course, just one opinion. BTW, welcome to the forum. We are pleased to have you aboard. Pete |
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a123 Member
since 2004-03-27
Posts 72 |
maybe it is childish but then i am 17 i dont think i have the capacity to use sophisticated language and even if i do they would be just words and not mean anything to me. what do u think of the concept? i would like to know what you think my poem is trying to say? |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
"maybe it is childish but then i am 17 i dont think i have the capacity" At that age, yes you do... just apparently not the desire. "to use sophisticated language and even if i do they would be just words and not mean anything to me." Then why bother with poetry? If words don't mean anything, then go paint a picture or play the flute. "what do u think of the concept? i would like to know what you think my poem is trying to say?" Maybe you should focus on what you're trying to say with the poem. |
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Ringo
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes |
maybe it is childish but then i am 17 i dont think i have the capacity to use sophisticated language Don't sell yourself short. Some of the most literate, and verbally sophisticated people are young adults that haven't been taught not to use the words they know. You have the capacity.. should you choose to have it. even if i do they would be just words and not mean anything to me. I have to agree that if your words don't mean anything to you, then they sure as blazes can't mean anything to us. I would also agree that if your words don't mwan anything to you, then you should find another way to express yourself... or maybe you could start using words that DO mean something to you to express yourself. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs... |
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a123 Member
since 2004-03-27
Posts 72 |
whn i say i dont hve the capacity its cause my language is not good and my vocabulary is limited so if i try using words other than what help me in expressing myself then there is no point, because like u said,there is no point writting if it means nothing to you. When i ask you what you think the poem is trying to say its because i wrote this poem based on my experience.Now i want to see if other ppl have something similar or some other way of looking at the same thing that is -going back. Maybe im wrong when i talk about my capacity cause im learning and i WANT to learn too-i do have the desire.actually i see what you are trying to say.. one cant limit yourself like this .Okay so i was wrong there. Thanks for your interest. |
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Copperbell Senior Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 956 |
I've experienced this...And when I did, it stopped me in my tracks, it was such a strange feeling. So I completely identify with what you're saying. And in my experience as well, nothing had changed except me; it makes you give your head a shake. The trick is to use language that causes others to be struck with what amazed you. And it can be really hard. I often write in the style that you have - very simple language. I like your point - I know its a profound experience. It takes stretching to be more creative, but its a good exercise. You'll become a better writer to push yourself. |
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