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After a Storm
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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After a Storm |
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Craw Member
since 2003-09-11
Posts 73Scotland |
Coal dark, pinned through with the brightest slivers of moon and stars. After the storm, the ocean is dead; only lanterns toss gently at the memory and, somewhere, tyres plough water. What's left of the gale, mere dry sobbing, brings the scent of wild garlic. I lean back, the half broken spars sharp in my ribs, and look, past fingers of carob and your sleeping shape, to the flattest union of sea and sky. |
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Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
Some very nice images here.  |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Hi Craw. I enjoyed the imagery as well. But I think the timber here may be strengthened by a few textual adjustments. [add] Coal[-]dark [you need a noun here] [is] pinned through [line break] with After the storm, the ocean is dead; only lanterns toss gently at the memory and What [i]s left of the gale, mere[ly] dry sobbing, brings the scent of wild garlic. I lean back, sharp in my ribs, and look past fingers of carob and your sleeping shape, to the flattest union of sea and sky. "the half broken spars sharp in my ribs" These lines were awkwardly in the way when I got to "I lean back" Perhaps they may be incorporated more smoothly. Enjoyed. [This message has been edited by Essorant (03-17-2004 11:02 PM).] |
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grassy ninja Junior Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 41Kentucky |
i had to read this poem a few times before i realized how much i like it. the language in the poem in very subtle, very quiet, like the calm described in the poem. after my third or fourth read, i realized how eerie the quiet in this poem is. "Coal dark, pinned through with the brightest slivers of moon and stars." this is a good, original description of the night sea. it is so hard to do this without saying what has already been said. i like the way you say, i almost imagine a lump of coal with little specks of diamonds in it. having said that, i don't know if it's the strongest sentence to begin your poem with. honestly, i like it better if you start with your next lines. "After the storm, the ocean is dead; only lanterns toss gently at the memory and, somewhere, tyres plough water." by the third or fourth read, i saw this as the aftermath of a particularly violent argument, the passion and fire are subdued, but these "lanterns" (which i don't know how to interpret yet) flash around the calm sea, highlighting the wreckage left by the storm. one question: meaning of the word "tyres"? i have no access to a dictionary at the moment and am wondering if this particular word is incredibly important to the meaning of this poem. "What's left of the gale, mere dry sobbing," here's where i think you break with the subtlety a little bit. i can see someone, eyes dried up from passionate crying weeping quietly. i love this metaphor. i can almost feel this gale as i see the emotional implications of it. this is the part that got me reading the poem a few more times. interesting, too, that the time in the poem where you aren't using language to showcase the quietness, is when you're referring to the only noise left of this violent storm. very well thought out. "brings the scent of wild garlic." this part i don't understand at all. i don't want to think of the characters in the poem smelling like garlic, so i assume it's growing nearby?? i think this part could use a little something else to make it less jarring. "I lean back, the half broken spars sharp in my ribs," i like the use of the word "spars." we can see the speaker is injured not only by the force of this storm, but other instances "sparring" with the "you" in the poem. "and look, past fingers of carob and your sleeping shape, to the flattest union of sea and sky." and i love the end. the speaker contemplates his/her wounds, while the "you" that had once been sobbing quietly has drifted off to sleep. the speaker watches as the sea goes flat again, everything is calm again, but the rest of the poem tells us to be frightened of this calm. i really enjoyed this read. i hope i haven't tried to over analyze anything that going on here, just couldn't resist throwing in my reading here.  great job. |
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