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Id Forbid
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Id Forbid |
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J.Samm Member
since 2004-01-12
Posts 415Iloilo City, Philippines |
Come with me, barely breathing Into that pitch- black space in your mind Into that core of your being that you dared not find Let us strip each other naked in that dark womb void of any measure or distinction and to the beckoning force let us succumb: two souls yearning to dance in immortal union. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Jasmine Sagge - All Rights Reserved | |||
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eminor_angel Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323Canada |
Nice. I like how your use of rhyme isn't heavy-handed or obvious (a pet peeve of mine). I'll come back for a deeper critique when time allows. Good stuff. |
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Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
Very good work here! I enjoyed this poem. The opening, " Come with me, barely breathing Into that pitch- black space in your mind," speaks of inviting the subject into his/her own mind while assuming the writer is already there. Original! The line, "Let us strip each other naked in that dark womb," is excellent as well (but so are all the lines). There is so much imagery packed into it. The best to you, J.Samm with this gem.  |
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