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Critical Analysis #2
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Me Real The
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Me Real The |
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gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
Me Real The ?real more what’s image mirror my image self my ah, or, |
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Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
Clever... backwards, but clever! Grover. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Over-obvious methinks....  K |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
You end (start) with 'or'... where's the rest of the thought? Something led up to this epiphany. BTW- I agree w/ Severn. |
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gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
If its obvious, why would you have to ask? :-) Then again , there is always that balance between what is obvious to the sharply honed critically trained mind, and what is obvious to a reader who comes across the poem while reading a long string of poems in another more casual setting. I thought by not titling the poem "Maya" i was in danger of of making it too unobvious, but perhaps not. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I see no purpose in writing backwards. If it was meant to challenge then it did not. If it was meant to be cute then it was not. I think you make a stronger statement without such artifacts. All JMHO, of course. Pete |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I guess I meant that it was obvious that it was supposed to be clever. Maybe if it made coherent sense somehow reading it forward as well? Not so sure that that's possible, but it would make it a less frustrating read. |
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j0n4th4n Member
since 2003-03-11
Posts 94 |
inovative! |
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grassy ninja Junior Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 41Kentucky |
i don't particularly care for this poem. without its backward-ness, it has nothing to make it interesting or thought-provoking to get the reader involved. the mirror-image/self-image play here borders on cliche. even if the backward-ness is symbolic (and i'm assuming that it is), i don't see enough original material here for an enjoyable poem that makes the reader think. maybe you could write a longer poem, with the backwards part being the alluded to epiphany. not sure if i'm any help at all here. |
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gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
Sorry if it seems I am dragging this out beyond any balance due such an insignificant piece. That so many respected persons bothered to comment, I am grateful. I did get thrown because the comments weren't what I was expecting and that expectation may have been coloring my perception of what was being said. So I went back and reread them and these two seem to stick out as unanswered by myself. "You end (start) with 'or'... where's the rest of the thought?" To me, the "or" is in the middle, but emphasised like an end word. Mirrors reverse, but don't invert. What I was trying to say in this was that as the image in the mirror is an illusion of the physical body, likewise the physical body is an illusion of the true self. I really thought I had buried that too deep, but when the "obvious" comments came, I thought that was what they were referencing. "Maybe if it made coherent sense somehow reading it forward as well?" While I hoped it made some broken English sense reversed, I did have the sense it was coherent forward. What’s more real? my mirror image or, ah, my self image the hesitancy of the "ah" makes it seem incoherent? That was supposed to be the hint that that self image is no surety either, implying the Soul. It is also how I got the concept of maya (my ah) introduced directly, which truthfully I thought might be too subtle for Western readers. I also had the idea of presenting it this way: Me Real The The Real Me ?real more what’s what’s more real? image mirror my my mirror image image self my ah, or, or, ah my self image but I was afraid a casual reader would just skip reading the left side and not read "maya" which was the key to unlocking it at least in my plan. The other alternative was to put the right side in under neath as a second stanza. But in the past I have been told I wasn't subtle enough so just dropped it all together. Oh well, man proposes, God disposes. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I don't know, I wouldn't worry so much about whether someone 'gets it' or not. We can talk about it later. The problem, I think, is that the trick you've presented isn't really what a mirror does anyway. yawyna seob rorrim -- and even that doesn't do it right either. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I agree with Pete on this one... I just fail to appreciate that writing backwords works as a poetic form. seems more a parlor trick.. but just my opinion |
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a123 Member
since 2004-03-27
Posts 72 |
YOUR POEM REALLY MAKES ONE THINK AND HAS QUITE AN EFFECT. I THINK THE FACT THT ITS SHORT IS WHAT MAKES IT IMPACTFUL.I SUGGEST YOU DONT WRITE IT BACKWORDS THOUGH. |
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