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Critical Analysis #2
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To Sylvia
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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To Sylvia |
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eminor_angel Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323Canada |
To Sylvia I would have loved to ask you to carve a crevice in my tongue and fill it with your black ink sorcery I would have loved to kiss your sacred hands and bite them to see if they bleed or maybe metaphors run your veins instead I would have loved to see you die and watch your muscles squirm to stillness to feel your precious eyes beneath my envy closing them gently “I like black statements” -Sylvia Plath in Little Fugue |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
I like the taste of this. Just a few suggestions regarding the word and grammarcraft. [add] I would carve a crevice in my tongue and fill it with your I would hands and bite them to see if they bleed or I would watch [ing] your muscles squirm to stillness closing Hope that makes sense. Essorant |
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Endlessecho Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 398I live within myself |
I prefer the past tense that you did use - as though had you had the chance to have known her. Anyway.. if you stay with that you should change bleed to bled. This was interesting. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
-ly words in poetry are weak at the best of times. As can be too many 'ing' words...providing an all too easy rhythmical avenue that often appears forced, and trite. I certainly wouldn't add either of them. I like black ink sorcery. Inky sorcery? Not good.  However, I'm not too sure about the entire concept when aligned with Sylvia. Is it fair to call a woman sacred who was all too aware of her own mortality, and human culpability? This piece seems to both martyr her, and idolise her. I don't think that's accurate when applied to the public Sylvia we see. Nor, to the more private Sylvia that's revealed through her letters. Also, might I assume that your envy is of her writing? If so, the last stanza turns the focus of the poem around onto yourself, as the author. I don't think that does the poem any justice either.  K |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Severn "Black ink sorcery" is amiss because if ink is either an adjective or a noun, or both, it makes one too many of either. "Inky" is perfectly eloquent and I think usually implies "black" or "dark" to most readers as well. "'Tis not alone my inky cloak, good mother, Nor customary suits of solemn black, Nor windy suspiration of forced breath, No, nor the fruitful river in the eye, Nor the dejected havior of the visage, Together with all forms, modes, shapes of grief, That can denote me truly..." Shakespeare's Hamlet "That space of inky darkness seems to be a field for Fancy to play her revels in." Walter Scott's "My Aunt Margaret's Mirror" [This message has been edited by Essorant (03-16-2004 04:45 PM).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Yes you are correct Ess - if one is driven toward pure grammaticism. Might I say though - it's ok to play. This doesn't mean I'm advocating the dissolution of grammar per se. What it does mean is that I'm not a purist, and to me - grammar (such as punctuation as you well know by now) is subject to experimentation and creativity. Such as black ink sorcery. Black and ink in this case become one adjective, which describe the sorcery. Eminor could have hyphenated the words, but chose not tp. I think that's fine, and works well. But that's just my opinion. K |
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Ryan Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297Kansas |
quote: Is tp more playing with grammar? Gosh, I know, I know, now I should really post something regarding the poem. So, I like black ink sorcery better also. The sound of it is better here(the two ending y sounds in inky sorcery bother me). Ryan in heaven, |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
I was just..er...testing to see if anyone picked it up...er...yes, that's right.. heh K |
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eminor_angel Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323Canada |
Thanks for the insights, mes amis. |
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eminor_angel Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323Canada |
I forget to respond to Severn's comment. Yes, this poem admires and renounces Slyvia. I am not so much addressing her as a person, but more as a personification of her work. This is not an ode, and was not intended to be as such. Hope that clarifies. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey Eminor.. Sure, that might clarify your intent, but that intent doesn't come through, for me at least, in the way it's written. It reads like an ode... K |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
There's a strong undercurrent of malice here, and I actually like it. Biting her hands? Watching her die? You say it's not about Sylvia, per se, but I liked it best when read as if it were about her. It's a very interesting love-hate expression... and I don't think it really idolizes. In fact, coupled with the negative, almost violent images, the praise given to her seems highly ironic. I think it works well... you take a cliche (writing poems about or to Sylvia Plath... c'mon, it's not a novel concept) and you do something really innovative with it. Hope I've helped. |
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eminor_angel Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323Canada |
Thanks so much for the raw, honest feedback, hush. I appreciate your input (and everyone's too!) a great deal. I've really come to like this forum. Thanks all. |
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Katy Rose Junior Member
since 2003-11-25
Posts 13 |
Hey. i liked the first two verses of this alot (and totally felt what (I think) you were trying to say being a fellow Plath fan.) But the last verse imho is not up to the standard of the first two in terms of imagery, and runs the risk of falling into a kind of morbidity. I love 'black ink sorcery' though. :-) |
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