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Critical Analysis #2
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In Every Light Bulb
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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In Every Light Bulb |
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Endlessecho Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 398I live within myself |
All comments are welcome, please. This needs a lot of work.... Thanks. In Every Light Bulb In every light, I’ve found that spot The one that’s starting to turn Black from the inside out That dullness spreading slowly within Blocking and hiding bright again That worn-out spot that darkens in time Hidden behind a blinding cloak of light, I always find. Where it’s beginning to change And I always know I can always tell even before The lights go out. In every space of green I walk, I find that spot The one that’s starting to turn Brown and worn-out Withering sprouts here and there, The rest all faded and thin and bare. That patch of brown amongst living green. That dusty spot starving and lean. I can always find it Like red on white. I can always tell Just where to walk I find the spots In every park. |
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grassy ninja Junior Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 41Kentucky |
i really like this poem. i have a few critiques, hopefully they will help you. "In every light, I’ve found that spot The one that’s starting to turn Black from the inside out" I really like this part. even though there is no definite rhyme scheme, you have the similar sounds in "spot" and "out" that bring rhythm into this first part. i like the image too, of a lightbulb getting ready to die. "That dullness spreading slowly within Blocking and hiding bright again That worn-out spot that darkens in time Hidden behind a blinding cloak of light, I always find." again, i like the near rhyme in the first two lines and then the last three. i would suggest a comma or some other form of punctuation after the second line. you have a few confusing images "blocking and hiding" and then hiding again "behind a blinding cloak of light." i have a hard time visualizing this (which may be your intent)and feel the verbs could be doing more to creat your image. "Where it’s beginning to change And I always know I can always tell even before The lights go out." i like the change in the last few lines of this stanza. the shorter lines and loss of near rhyme draws attention to this statement. i don't know how effective "i always know" is, as you say that throughout the poem. it seems to take attention away from the following lines. "In every space of green I walk, I find that spot The one that’s starting to turn Brown and worn-out Withering sprouts here and there, The rest all faded and thin and bare. That patch of brown amongst living green. That dusty spot starving and lean." here is where i begin to have a problem with the poem. as i was scrolling down, i thought that your poem ended after the first stanza. you have a very strong beginning, but i'm not sure that you shouldn't make the first stanza the entire poem. the second stanza is weaker, and does nothing for the images already put forth in the poem. the first stanza tells us that the speaker can spot the weakness, foresee the end of these lightbulbs before they go out. this is a very cryptic image and can have many implications. the second stanza says something much different. the speaker sees what is already dead, in this case the grass. this is much less important, to me, than the speaker that sees that death before there is any real hint of it. you may have a separate poem here in the second stanza. "I can always find it Like red on white. I can always tell Just where to walk I find the spots In every park." it gets interesting again in this part of the stanza. i like the sudden color images. they are interesting because we haven't seen anything so far that could be red. the last two lines do very little for the poem. i almost feel as though you felt you needed two more lines to conclude your poem for symmetry (something i am guilty of doing myself). my advice would be to care less about your structure when your don't really feel what you're writing, if this is the case. overall, i enjoyed reading this poem. good luck. |
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Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
In every light, I’ve found that spot The one that’s starting to turn Black from the inside out That dullness spreading slowly within [Blocking and hiding bright again-- Is this really needed?] That worn-out spot that darkens in time Hidden behind a blinding cloak of light, I always find. Where it’s beginning to change And I always know I can always tell even before The lights go out. In every space of green I walk, I find that spot The one that’s starting to turn Brown and worn-out Withering sprouts here and there, The rest all faded and thin and bare. That patch of brown amongst living green. That dusty spot starving and lean. I can always find it Like red on white. I can always tell Just where to walk I find the spots In every park. In a way, I think you've got two poems here that need to be more developed with their own images. They just don't seem to tie together-- especially with the title. But I really think the metaphor is broad enough for two poems. Enjoyed reading this very nice work! Grover. |
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J.Samm Member
since 2004-01-12
Posts 415Iloilo City, Philippines |
I like this one, makes me see light bulbs and grass in a new perspective.  |
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