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On Early Day I Met My Love
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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On Early Day I Met My Love |
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Endlessecho Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 398I live within myself |
I tried a differant sounding poetry than I've ever done before. I wanted to try a more classic style of poetry. I've been reading Coleridge lately so who can blame me?! ;-) Though I'm sure you can't tell by my poem.. I'm figuring there is much to say about this. It's only a rough draft and, like I said, I'm also not used to writing in this "voice". Still, I wanted to try it and would appreciate any and all comments. Nit-pick, please..  Thanks. On early day I met my love In earnest light and purple hue. I sat upon the hill above and waited for refreshing dew. He took my hand from off the grass pulling me into his embrace. Not simply found in arms, but perchance, was found in light upon his face. Discovering softness in new light, a moment kept forever inside his pearl face and eyes midnight kept dancing from his to my mind. Ever distanced, yet ever kind. Fearing setting of sun shine, we watch the colors change. Forever beauty seared my mind still blue through dark red rage. He held me close to keep me safe as eyes I clasped one lid to another hiding face in chest of my lover shutting out life of a desolate waif. In bright day light, on grassy knoll, with the world so far away. Refusing to look down below, we stayed together through the day. My love! My life! As I lay alone, I dream about those days we spent Where sun light shone and we held hands; clasped and bent, my hand under yours to be safe in solitary time. Before the routines and chores. Before I captured it in rhyme. More divine than art and words, your gentle turn and soothing nod. As if to say, “Again! Again! I’ll meet you on that sun-warmed clod”. |
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Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
I really enjoyed this. I did stumble a bit here: "Not simply found in arms, but perchance" (and) "kept dancing from his to my mind." But all in all I think you've got a very good poem! Grover. |
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Paper Tiger Member
since 2003-09-28
Posts 77 |
This is one of the greatest poems I've come across - earnest, well-written, and structured. Your work should be published. We see much, observe little, and perceive less. |
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