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Critical Analysis #2

Small piece no title yet

Ladycat

Senior Member

since 1999-07-05

Posts 782
At the edge and a doorway,TX

0 posted 2004-01-30 07:31 AM

Yes, this piece needs help. I don't know how I went wrong with it so I thought that I would post it here and see what others had to say about it..

We are dimly lit fireflies
Some fly free
Others fall face first
Fluttering from place to place
On our journey of life
Some make the long haul
While others just fade
We illuminate the world with our presence
Then flit on to a higher place

Love,
Ladycat

Dancing is the loftiest, the most moving, the most
beautiful of the arts, because it is no mere translation
or abstraction from life; IT IS LIFE I

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

1 posted 2004-01-30 01:40 PM

The first line puts a restraint-- limits the reader's interpretation-- on the imagery. Try dropping "dimly" and doing a rewrite of the remaining contrasts. A good poem! Grover.

Michelle_loves_Mike

Senior Member

since 2003-12-20

Posts 1189
Pennsylvania

2 posted 2004-01-30 06:50 PM

It does limit the imagination to say dimly lit, and end in saying we illuminate the world,,,you need a transition that makes it work at the begining and end....
Michelle

I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

3 posted 2004-01-30 07:17 PM

Interestingly enough about fireflies, the ones you see flying around are males. The females hide in the grass, blinking in a shorter duration and different pattern than the males. Essentially, they stay below and watch. When they see a male they want to attract, they blink- essentially saying, "hey, I'm here, come on over..."
I just thought it was interesting, your comparison of some fireflies to others... made me think of this habit. In light of this info, it might be possible to interpret this as a statement of sexual politics.

I'm sorry. I'm overanalyzing.

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