Fine art of interpretation

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X Q poet
Junior Member

since 2003-03-25

Posts 47

0 posted 2004-01-28 09:22 AM

You studied my past and my present
With all hermeneutical care
You scrutinized all my behavior
My motives and thoughts to ensnare
You surveyed the depths of my reason
Sentencing me to defeat
And went through the seams of my being
Excluding me from the elite
I'm left standing stripped bare and naked
Illumed by a search-light that blinds
I'm not criticizing your process
Only those two bottom lines

http://www.xqpoetry.com <-- poetry, philosophy, journal and discussion

Michelle_loves_Mike

Senior Member

since 2003-12-20

Posts 1189
Pennsylvania

1 posted 2004-01-28 10:55 AM

very well put,,,,seems we are always in a blinding light for all we do to be seen
Michelle

I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

2 posted 2004-01-28 08:37 PM

Very nice, but I suggest you try dropping "with all" or even just "all" before the word hermeneutical. Replace the phrase with a "comma" or "--" so it reads "--(all) hermeneutical" . I think this would help the beat. Regardless, the poem is very well written. I like it! Grover.

X Q poet
Junior Member

since 2003-03-25

Posts 47

3 posted 2004-01-29 05:56 PM

Hiya... Thanks, but how would it help the rythm?

As far as I can feel, the rythm is consistent throughout the poem...

Is there anything else you would think work better another way?

http://www.xqpoetry.com <-- poetry, philosophy, journal and discussion

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

4 posted 2004-01-29 10:10 PM

Yes, I stand corrected. You're absolutely right! I did another read and the rhythm "is" indeed very good.

wintertao
Member

since 2003-11-17

Posts 366
Okaloosa Island, FL

5 posted 2004-01-29 10:16 PM

imo - some of your rhymes in this sound forced. I like this but like to see it "looser". Drop some of the "forced" sounded rhymes like elite, the last line of the poem could also be stronger....
anyway, creative and well done.

X Q poet
Junior Member

since 2003-03-25

Posts 47

6 posted 2004-01-30 04:51 AM

Could you please elaborate on what you mean by making the last line stronger? The last line is probably the main part of the poem, and the whole conclusion rests in that line.

That the other rhymes sounds forced, is ok, I won't ask any further on that, but I'd like to know more what you mean by the last line being weak, if it's ok...

http://www.xqpoetry.com <-- poetry, philosophy, journal and discussion

wintertao
Member

since 2003-11-17

Posts 366
Okaloosa Island, FL

7 posted 2004-01-30 10:26 AM

hmmmm....
after re-reading this morning I don't really see a problem with the last line now....my bad !

a123
Member

since 2004-03-27

Posts 72

8 posted 2004-03-27 10:04 AM

i dont mean to be rude but i dont get your poem...what does the last line mean? please explain hope i dont sound stupid.

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