I Heard My Lord Speak in His Sleep

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A B S T R A C T
Junior Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 27
-=NYC=-

0 posted 2004-01-25 12:18 PM

Imagination it was beyond.
A faint whisper touched my ears and glided gently - like soft, blue wind - through my mind.
Wind it was, or was it not?
If wind may marinate my mind in melodious music, perhaps it was.
But wind is a flute, and this was a violin...
I heard my Lord speak in His sleep.

Imagination it was beyond.
Thump!
Help!
Play.

Imagination it was beyond.
For my imagination may amplify only what I know.
This was a foreign but flawless melody.
Thump!
Help!
Play.
A thump, a shriek, and the violin would play again.
The violin would tend to my ears and soothe my soul.
Its rhythm relaxed me after the thump terrorized me.
But it did not play without a cost.
Prayers paid for the Lord's prescription.

Imagination it was beyond.
My Lord was deep in His sleep.
His respiration resounded my dark room, followed by a spiral of sentences.
The whispers answered my call.

Imagination it was beyond.
Hard to imagine that I tried to call Him by rotary phone.
Fingers tracing in faithless circles, I switched to a touch-tone.
Now I can reach my Lord.
Subtly and silently, He answered my call.
I heard my Lord speak in His sleep.

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

1 posted 2004-01-25 09:58 AM

Duplicate removed by moderator.

A B S T R A C T
Junior Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 27
-=NYC=-

2 posted 2004-01-25 01:59 PM

It wasn't showing up in this forum and I thought that it was archived. It had zero replies and was pushed all the way down so I decided to post another one. Sorry if I caused any trouble.

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

3 posted 2004-01-25 04:52 PM

No trouble. I don't know why it didn't show up for you. Both were there this morning before I removed the original. It had no responses.

Thanks,
Pete

A B S T R A C T
Junior Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 27
-=NYC=-

4 posted 2004-01-27 01:37 PM

Please critique!

A B S T R A C T
Junior Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 27
-=NYC=-

5 posted 2004-01-27 10:59 PM

Ummm... I'm gonna go and kill myself now.

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

6 posted 2004-01-30 03:55 PM

Bump!

Don't worry too much Abstract. Everyone is a little reluctant to jump on a new member right off. Also, it can be particularly difficult to critique a religious or other very personal and emotional poem.

Someone want to help out here?

Pete

Never express yourself more clearly than you can think - Niels Bohr

wintertao
Member

since 2003-11-17

Posts 366
Okaloosa Island, FL

7 posted 2004-01-30 06:04 PM

I liked this and thought it showed some very nice creative flashes -
You use the word wind 4 times in S1, it would be nice to find an alt for a couple of those if possible.

The formatting of the poem should be tightened up cut the long lines in half, etc.

I found it had a little bit of a "rambling" feel and should be shortened. I think you could cut say 25% of the poem, I'll leave which 25% up to you, and have a tighter, better read from this.

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

8 posted 2004-01-30 06:10 PM

A very personal relationship written about in a very artistic way... good old fashioned "Communion!" I enjoyed it. Grover.

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