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Critical Analysis #2

lonely corner

mysticpoe
Senior Member

since 2003-02-28

Posts 883

0 posted 2004-01-17 10:07 AM

I stood there,
holding the never ending feeling
of hope.
Seemingly, instilled as you are a part of us-
counting the obvious - depleting winds.
Telling me from within
that you own the valleys,
where our wants have settled.
As you hide behind the sun
with silent whispers.
Moving along the surface sands,
I can see you, now.
From this lonely corner we linger fro.
Searching for our nearest, waiting
till the day.
The space between your stars
caress the moments.
Of what we really are.

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

wintertao
Member

since 2003-11-17

Posts 366
Okaloosa Island, FL

1 posted 2004-01-27 10:27 PM

Telling me from within
that you own the valleys,

Some excellent lines, like the above.

the ending was a little weak. Shore that up and you got a real winner.

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

2 posted 2004-01-29 04:33 PM

Really liked:
As you hide behind the sun
with silent whispers.
Excellent, as are several other lines. But I wasn't sure if there are two characters or three? Probably just the way I read it. I'll give it another read or two... Grover.

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