»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #2
»
Baroque Skull Beams
| Critical Analysis #2 |
|
Baroque Skull Beams |
|
|
wintertao Member
since 2003-11-17
Posts 366Okaloosa Island, FL |
Pull out the forks and feast - Hung above the night Celestial smile so bright Taking hearts Into her Auditorium Auditions about to begin Classical Music Candlelight A glass of wine Passed down the line To the lonely hand In the Royal Music Gown Into her Auditorium Gypsys bring their dreams Men bring their schemes Let it all be sorted out Underneath skull beams Music inside her chamber of stone Princess sits by the fireplace Violin twisting with the last warm tone Opens her secret hidden case The echos of the strings still moan Opium burning thru her face Glowing like a small volcano cone Shadows grow and join the race Feeling detached like an eye alone Candles painting open lace Dreams are calling us to sea The skies are tipping down Tiny drops of terror tea On the lonely harbor town Moon is lover to us all Pulls us thru the night Sharing thoughts about a course So far from our sight Planets, Moons do their dance Up in the crow's nest Pulling softly at your skull With beams that never rest |
||
| © Copyright 2004 wintertao - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Copperbell Senior Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 956 |
I don't feel qualified to critique other than being a reader. You've got some amazing imagery here, I found myself pondering this poem more than once; I saw it in open poetry. I think some separation between verses would make it more smooth. Though I like to figure them out, I feel intimidated when I see a long one without any spaces, and I'm less likely to give it my time. Just my opinion. |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This is choppy. Try to shoot for a tension between the linebreak and the sentence. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
