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TwistedKnickers
Junior Member

since 2004-01-02

Posts 35
Saskatchewan, Canada

0 posted 2004-01-04 10:03 PM

I could never be a farmer.
Errant heads of wheat poke through the snow,
nodding in agreement.
Hypnotic prairie winds charm 'snow snakes'
from their watch atop the drifts
gently wisping them across the frosted highway,
disappearing under nearly square tires,
awakening behind me in a swirling hiss.

Old alfalfa bales look like soft lumps
of half melted marshmallows on a frozen cookie sheet
and a two o'clock sun ricochets
off a million motionless waves
that drowned the summerfallow.

From the homestead grid road,
lined with blizzard-carved hoodoos on one side
that look as if pushed up from underneath,
the farmyard appears.
A giant hairbrush on a white marble vanity;
the handle, a row of hedges.
An island of thin, naked elms,
huddled closely in a mound at the end,
their tangled mat of branches hiding the house.

A long-abandoned wasp nest sways empty
in Gramma's crabapple tree.

Down the drive and parked.

Steam rises from a fresh manure pile.
With the warm stink in my nose,
clutching collar to collar,
I bolt for the front door
and familiar screendoor snap.

With my concrete fields depleted
til sparsely yielding words,
I knew that I could come back home...
for seed.

Poetry is the sculpting of words. We ALL start with a lump of clay.

[This message has been edited by TwistedKnickers (01-04-2004 10:07 PM).]

gourdmad
Member

since 2003-12-01

Posts 136
Upper Ohio Valley

1 posted 2004-01-04 10:32 PM

The title/first line sort of throws me in a wrong direction, that takes me a while to recover from and get the drift of what you are otherwise saying quite interestingly.

If it were instead "I have not been a farmer", it would fit the flow of ideas better, IMHO. Or something like that.

wintertao
Member

since 2003-11-17

Posts 366
Okaloosa Island, FL

2 posted 2004-01-05 02:59 PM

I think it's excellent all the way to and including this line:

A long-abandoned wasp nest sways empty
in Gramma's crabapple tree.

I would end it right there...the rest of the lines seem weak in light of the beauty before and add nothing...the crabapple tree leaves a little mystery hanging in the air which I always like. Anyway just my 1 cents, and I have little.

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