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Critical Analysis #2
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I want my star
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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I want my star |
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wintertao Member
since 2003-11-17
Posts 366Okaloosa Island, FL |
During the holidays at Christmas time I saw ads where you could buy a star So I thought about if for awhile And figured I was finally ready Its a big step in a mans life To get his first star So I placed my order and waited Everyday I checked outside my door Then one day an envelope came And inside it said you now own: Star # BEZ267889 Nebula Gargatua X12 Galaxy Needless to say I was pissed off So I sent them an e-mail inquiry They said ah but you do own it Which of course is not true at all All I have is a piece of paper I want my star damn it SOB's I want my star [This message has been edited by wintertao (01-03-2004 04:04 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 wintertao - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hm. Well. ? finding words...this is just...you can do better? Yes...this reads like a rant. Having read other of your pieces this is...less. My opinion - shape it...remove the petulant note, the childish tone and turn it into something more because it's quite a cool concept...  K |
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wintertao Member
since 2003-11-17
Posts 366Okaloosa Island, FL |
thanks sev....its really a joke, all in fun. thanks for reading. |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
I rather enjoyed the ironic cynicism in this. The question raised in my mind though was: How did the sellers come to own it in the first place? Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com |
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