The Candle of Light. - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Critical Analysis #2

The Candle of Light.

bgryan
Junior Member

since 2003-06-16

Posts 30
North Ireland

0 posted 2004-01-02 02:37 PM

The candle of light
is burning bright
from a far distant star,
to the love in your heart.

Though darkness surrounds you
the candle burns bright
in heaven and earth,
throughout all time.

From your youth and beauty
in old age or decay
the candle is burning,
for the faith you have.

Burn slowly the candle
bring your children to me
let them walk in the light,
and I will set them free.

The candle is burning
the candle of life
from a far distant star,
to the love in your heart.

wintertao
Member

since 2003-11-17

Posts 366
Okaloosa Island, FL

1 posted 2004-01-02 07:06 PM

I like it...I know the candle is a key image but I think you over used the word "candle"...I would try yo find some alternative, enjoyed it as it is anyway.

eminor_angel
Member

since 2003-05-22

Posts 323
Canada

2 posted 2004-01-03 01:22 AM

One thing I would change is the rhyme scheme. Some stanzas have rhymes, some don't. Try to make them the same. Especially glaring is the first stanza. If your poem opens with a rhyme, the reader expects the rest of it to rhyme.

cynicsRus
Senior Member

since 2003-06-06

Posts 591
So Cal So Cool!

3 posted 2004-01-03 04:15 PM

S1-L3: “far” is unnecessary. In this first stanza, you fail to show why a “candle of light” should be believed, as something outshining the “distant star,” or a correlation between it and “the love in your heart”—or, even why I should care. It seems to me, it would be more effective to weave S5 into the beginning to set up your premise.
Then again, perhaps a more effective metaphor is in order. For, if the “candle” is “life” it would seem to be very short-lived at best—unlike the star itself.

Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com
www.primerhymeetc.com

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.