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i hope this haiku brings a smile")
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i hope this haiku brings a smile") |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore 
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Reflections on a rainy day Loud funky drum beats Bright flashes paint pitch dark sky Party angels dance i do wonder if i convey accurately across what i want the drum beats and bright flashes mean....did i?  do tell me what u interpret by the first 2 lines ") |
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| © Copyright 2000 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I interpreted it to mean thunder and lightning? Am I right? Denise |
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KimW Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 268Medford, Oregon, USA |
I Interpreted it much like Denise did. And thought this was a wonderful little Haiku Kim |
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Swåmp¤Faerÿie Member
since 2000-03-29
Posts 358Illinois |
Blacklight disco concert??¿ And there she weaves by night and day, a magic web of colours gay.~Tennyson |
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childomine Senior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 818st. petersburg, FL |
I too interpret thunder and lightning. My mom never told me it was fun stuff, like the Angels dancing. She always said it was God bowling. |
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Kitty_Fett Junior Member
since 2000-03-02
Posts 35 |
Tells the truth that even angels have to have some fun some time in their lives!  The night went on and on... |
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songwater Junior Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 32Marietta,Ga. |
It reminds me of rain on a tin roof collecting in a water barrel during a thunder storm...Relaxing.... ? |
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Gene Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935Colorado, USA |
"Blacklight disco" LOL Kaile, Actually, until I read the whole thing, the first image I got was "rock music" because of the "Loud funky drums." This is a wonderful haiku, but if I can make one suggestion... Since a haiku should give one an "instant picture," I would get rid of "Loud funky." I would change the first line to "Heavenly drumbeats" That would give it a beautiful ethereal image--since that is what i think you had in mind--only a suggestion. ~Gene [This message has been edited by u_gene (edited 04-05-2000).] |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
i meant it to be thunder and lightning... thank u guys for reading this one....i love the "blacklight disco concert"!!!LOL yes,u_gene,"heavenly" is definitely a much better word but i think i will keep "loud funky" cos i want pp to interpret it as a child who is actually quite scared of thunder but has associated it with something he likes(rock music)...and so he isn't afraid of the thunder anymore..... okay, i only stared writing haiku recently and i am still a beginner...am i right in wanting to put across this idea? ") |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
i seem to have lost my muse for writing haikus..sob sob..but when i look at some of my previous works, i am glad i did venture out to attempt this wonderful japanese poetry i remember being proud of this senryu and i still am |
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Dennis L. White Senior Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 1463Michigan, U.S.A. |
Kaile, And proud you should be, you've captured a moment of noise and lights, compressed into these three lines. Don't stop expressing your images in haiku form, friend. Dennis :^) Moonbeams radiate When the veiling cloud has passed Playful shadows dance Dennis L. White :^) |
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Moon Dust
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177Skelmersdale, UK |
Actully it made me think of fireworks. Very pretty Sometimes you have to let go and move on, But never let go of the memories. |
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kcsgrandma Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522Presque Isle, ME |
Yes, well done! Dont't give up because of a little dry spell, if you'll pardon the expression. To love another person is to see the face of God. - Les Miserables Marilyn |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
thanks all for replying..now if only my muse will come back..miss those haikus lots sigh |
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Mon Cherie
since 2001-10-31
Posts 922Land of Never-ending Summers |
Yeah... I thot this was abt a rock concert, what with the funky drumbeats, the light flashing, and the dancers. If this is supposed to be about thunder and lightning, then what does angelic dancers mean? rain?? _,,,^.^,,,_ |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
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