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The Corner Pub

heaven's inspiration

untold sorrow
Junior Member

since 2000-02-18

Posts 12
aiea, hawaii, united states

0 posted 2000-03-04 08:25 PM

this is the original version of my other poem...

roses tarnish under the sun
they wither in its heat
their petals slowly float away
and settle at your feet

they've given you a sacrifice
in tribute to your birth
which you were sent to sactify
and so you graced the earth

you inspire heaven's hopefuls
and jelousies arise
for your beauty goes unrivaled
and burns the common eyes

what force has joined us hand in hand
i owe my life to thee
for now we are forever linked
in lover's harmony

so to the sacrificial rose
to heavens up above
they have blessed both you and i
by giving us our love

childomine
Senior Member

since 2000-01-25

Posts 818
st. petersburg, FL

1 posted 2000-03-04 08:47 PM

Endearing and beautiful. A poem that really touches the heart. I like how you've written this.

KimW
Member

since 2000-03-04

Posts 268
Medford, Oregon, USA

2 posted 2000-03-04 09:11 PM

Very beautiful and endearing.

Kim

Jonas
Senior Member

since 2000-03-03

Posts 796
Oregon

3 posted 2000-03-04 09:33 PM

This is so touching....well done!

Simple words from a simple guy

Gene
Senior Member

since 2000-01-23

Posts 935
Colorado, USA

4 posted 2000-03-04 10:53 PM

Very lovely. I like it when people use "thee" in poems. I do it a lot. it sounds so much nicer than "you" and is much more romantic.

~Gene

Little_Spyro
Senior Member

since 2000-01-09

Posts 659
San Diego, CA, USA

5 posted 2000-03-04 11:01 PM

This is definitely a poem worth putting in a greeting card, it's so beautiful...remarkable job you've done here, sorrow! Such an upbeat poem for someone with a nickname like that, I like it!