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One More Remember
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One More Remember |
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laryalee Member
since 2000-06-19
Posts 352Alberta, Canada |
Our hearts were fluid, moved in tune through soft-nosed dawn and sweat-stained noon. Our temporal sway in balance danced on undulating circumstance. Each rush of day sluiced pylon'd bends, and time was stirred in patient blends. I squeezed the flavor, slowly sipped, so unaware the scales had tipped. Then tilted sky came plunging down to meet up-rushing thrust of ground. Long-shafted hollows drained me dry, and soon there were no tears to cry. I now embrace the silent void, stare down the gorge of love destroyed. But just when flow has found its flux - one more remember brings your touch. ******************** (This is written in healing, not in depression...) |
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| © Copyright 2001 Laryalee Fraser - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Gene Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935Colorado, USA |
I didn't find it depressing. The last line says to me, "better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all." I also liked the meter--has a nice flow. Gene (formerly, u_gene) |
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pegasus111 Member Elite
since 2000-07-27
Posts 2219ocala, fl, usa |
oh my, another one that leaves me breathless..wow!! this is some talent I'm looking at here.. the woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and many miles to go before I sleep...Frost |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I'm thankful it was written in healing, am looking forward to my own! The flow is excellent in this, by the way. "When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey." Laurie Lee |
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Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
this was absolutely awesome!! wowie!! goin' to the library,stunning imagery!! samantha¤ Do i contradict myself?Very well i contradict myself.I contain multitudes.~walt whitman |
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kcsgrandma Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522Presque Isle, ME |
Lary, you have mastered form beautifully, but what leaves me in awe is your messages.  I've been doing a bit of remembering myself lately. It's amazing what will trigger it, and I doubt that it ever stops. Nice writing, and I'm glad it is healing.To love another person is to see the face of God. - Les Miserables Marilyn |
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laryalee Member
since 2000-06-19
Posts 352Alberta, Canada |
Thanks, Gene - I try to hold on to that thought... Hiya Pegasus - gosh....thanks! Kathleen, I'm so glad to see you! I know healing is part of the natural flow - it's just that we have to hurt while it's happening... Samantha, you're a dear - thanks so much! Hi Marilyn, I know what you mean - those hidden, interwoven strands...pull one thread and something else unravels! Thanks for stopping in! Lary |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
You certainly have an amazing way with words! The flow, the sentiment, the imagery and the rhyme were excellent! Yes, I agree this reminds us of "'tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" - Sir Alfred Lloyd Tennison Take care, Melissa~ |
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BloomingRose Member Elite
since 2000-08-09
Posts 3092Florida |
I now embrace the silent void, stare down the gorge of love destroyed. But just when flow has found its flux - one more remember brings your touch. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Excellent flow, especially the above. It is sad, but love often is. I believe it's while we are healing we can learn to hope. Just believe the best is yet to come! Hugs, Deb |
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pegasus111 Member Elite
since 2000-07-27
Posts 2219ocala, fl, usa |
I keep returning to this, drawn as to an old friend..soo lovely and superbly written. the woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and many miles to go before I sleep...Frost |
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Moon Dust
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177Skelmersdale, UK |
Positive and thoughtful ~Maria~ |
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ellie LeJeune Member Elite
since 2000-01-10
Posts 4156King of Prussia, PA USA |
wow! I almost missed this masterpiece! I am going through a healing process very similar and this hit home, big time...You have a wonderful and rare talent...Bravo! A friend hears the song in my heart, and sings it to me when my memory fails. |
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jbaker Member
since 2001-02-16
Posts 74Australia |
This is wonderful...sad, but true to the heart. A friend once told me to write from the heart and not the head. You have certainly achieved it in this piece. Good on you. JB |
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BSC
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919New York, USA |
Oh wow laryalee ~ Absolutely beautiful, "But just when flow has found its flux ~ one more remember brings your touch" .... Just Love It!!! Bonnie |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Laryalee, Your poem caused my chin to drop to the floor. Your use of words and imagery just WOWED me. "Our hearts were fluid, moved in tune through soft-nosed dawn and sweat-stained noon." and "Then tilted sky came plunging down to meet up-rushing thrust of ground." I am not very familiar with rhythm etc, but plan to learn, but I can say that it flowed and danced beautifully to me Keeping an eye out for you thank you for an enjoyable read Maree |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
ooops forgot to do the library thing |
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laryalee Member
since 2000-06-19
Posts 352Alberta, Canada |
Melissa! Thanks for dropping in and for your enthusiasm - sorry I've been away, tied up for a bit. Deb, thank you so much - I know healing takes time, but you're right...hope continues to grow! Pegasus, thanks my friend Maria, I appreciate your comment! Ellie, I trust that your hope will grow also - life can really be the pits at times, and I have often scoffed at 'silver linings' - but I do believe in rainbows! Thanks, JB - it surely was from the heart. Bonnie, thank you so very much - I'm glad you mentioned those lines - I had hoped they would portray the meaning I wanted! Maree - you've made my day! You've given me joy to hold! Thank you. Bless you all! Lary |
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