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Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

0 posted 2001-01-25 06:27 AM

I have no name for this.. not really sure what to call it..

Anyone have any ideas? Thank uuu.. *_^ (in advance, hehe)

Lazy curling candle flame,
Casts chortling shadows across my hand
As I etch words across the white.
Bold, dark lines, no! Not dark enough!
They must tear the page,
Spilling my emotions onto tabletop,
As hot wax, falling down in tears.
Jabbing with a pencil, no longer making words.
I can hear it running through,
Again in my mind.
The flame is still smiling,
But I don’t smile back,
For I might scare away,
My best friend with my tears.

-Lynne

Gene
Senior Member

since 2000-01-23

Posts 935
Colorado, USA

1 posted 2001-01-25 12:46 PM

Lynne,

But you gave it a title. I like this as a title too, though: "As hot wax, falling down in tears"

Wonderful poem, BTW. --Gene

Moon Dust

Member Elite

since 1999-06-11

Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK

2 posted 2001-01-25 03:41 PM

it's lovely, but You dont need a title, as gene said its already got one

When freedom wisphers your name, it's time to fight for it.

Krawdad
Member Elite

since 2001-01-03

Posts 2597

3 posted 2001-01-25 05:17 PM

This is a great little poem, Lynne. Vivid emotion.
Another title could be "The flame is still smiling".

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

4 posted 2001-01-25 07:04 PM

Thanx gene.. yeah, I figured I had to give it a title, when I posted it.. just wasn't sure if it was ok..

Maria, thank u for reading! Well, I am glad u liked the read.. do u really think that's an ok title? ^_^ Thanks

Krawdad - Thank you muchly 4 ur suggestion and compliments.. ^_^

[This message has been edited by Yu Lan (edited 01-25-2001).]

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

5 posted 2001-01-25 09:19 PM

This is such a great expression of hurt, very well written. Your title is good but it seems to 'soft'and 'pretty' for such an expression of anguish. I like Gene's suggestion or you can even shorten it to 'As Hot Wax Falling' or just 'Hot Wax Falling'. I think any one of these better captures the essence of the poem. Again, great expression!

Denise

kcsgrandma
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1522
Presque Isle, ME

6 posted 2001-01-25 11:24 PM

This is a great poem. Titling is not my strong point, but I think, as I go back and re-read, that Denise's suggestions are good. I vote for "Hot Wax Falling".

To love another person is to see the face of God.
- Les Miserables

Marilyn

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

7 posted 2001-01-26 02:31 AM

Thank you Denise and Marilyn.. yes, u r quite correct.. I think it is too.. ^_^ That's one reason why I asked 4 a few suggestions.. somehow it seemed a calm title.. 'coz candle flames have always had that effect for me.. ^_^
Hey what do u think of "Falling down in tears"? Another from Gene's suggestion.. ^_^
I don't know, does that sound better?

Thanx ppl! ^_^
Luv, Lynne

AniKay83
Member

since 2000-06-28

Posts 388
Missing Since 1999

8 posted 2001-01-27 04:35 PM

Great poem. I agree it needs a 'sadder' title. I like 'Falling Down in Tears.' It fits. Again, a good read.

"Hearts will become practical when they make them unbreakable"
~The Wizard of Oz
Much love all,
Krissie

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

9 posted 2001-01-27 09:29 PM

I can hear it running through,
                 Again in my mind.
                 The flame is still smiling,
                 But I don’t smile back,
                 For I might scare away,
                 My best friend with my tears.

WOW, my thoughts precisely.
Loved it Yu Lan and I love the title too.

Maree

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

10 posted 2001-01-29 04:43 PM

Krissie and Maree.. ^_^ Oh good, glad that title fits then..

thank u both very much.. Hugz, Lynne

Solstice Son
Member

since 2000-09-19

Posts 469

11 posted 2001-01-30 10:03 PM

..a very good read...felt everything...it was entirely too reminiscant of filling out my taxes..but I enjoyed it nonetheless

Sol

~Which way did They go? How many of Them were there? I MUST find Them!! I AM THEIR LEADER!!~

Author Unknown..well at least to me..:)

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

12 posted 2001-02-02 06:26 PM

Thanx Sol.. ^_^
-Lynne
PS BTW, The new site looks great, doesn't it!

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